Put on steam, and win us the great victory of all time! * * * * * Should any man ever collect into a volume all the stories told of the great American showman, we trust that he will not omit the following: BARNUM'S PIGEON. Barnum sat in his office. It was a warm summer afternoon, but the B was busy, as usual. He had before him a plan for exhibiting the great Guyascutus on improved principles, a letter from a man who owned a wife with three arms (to be had cheap), and another from the fortunate proprietor of the great Singing Pig. An offer or petition from the great 'ex' J---- s B---- n to lecture cheaply had been considered and rejected. 'He's played out!' was the brief reflection of Barnum. As he said this the door opened, and there entered a manifest German, who bore a covered cage. 'Vat you bedinks of _dat!_ exclaimed the Deutscher, removing the cloth. It was a beautiful bird; of perfect pigeon shape, but of an exquisite golden yellow lustre, such as no fowl which Mr. Barnum had ever seen--and his ornithological observations had not been limited--ever wore. 'I sells her dretful cheap,' remarked the bearer, '_verflucht_ cheap. I gifs him to you for 'pout den or sieben thaler.' 'H'm--no--don't want it,' replied Barnum. 'Den I goes down mit mine brice to five thaler and dere I stops.' 'No--got birds enough,' said Barnum. 'They don't pay. Now, if it was the great Japanese earthworm, a yard long--' 'Goot py. I sorry you no pys it. I dinks I colored her foost rate.' 'Ha!--_what!_--HOW!' cried Barnum, deeply interested; 'artificially colored! Good! _I must have_ that!' The German smiled a heavy, beery, winky, Limburgy smile, with both eyes shut tightly. 'Yas, I golors de bichin yellows unt creen and plue unt all sorts golors. Only five thalers der piece.' 'Do you think,' said Mr. Barnum, 'that you could prepare a great Patriotic National Lusus Naturæ, recently found perching on Independence Hall, Philadelphia--or hold--that's better--Mount Vernon? Could you color an eagle, with red stars on his breast, and blue and white stripes running down big tail?' The Dutchman thought he could, if the eagle's bill were tied, and his claws each stuck into a cork. 'Well, try your hand at it. But hold--go up stairs and put the pigeon into the Happy Family.' The Dutchman stumped away. In about ten minutes Mr. Feathers, the ornithologist of the Museum, came rushing down, in a wild state of fluttering excitement. 'Good GOD, Mr. Barnum, you're not going to put _that_ bird into the Happy Family!' 'Why not?' inquired Mr. Barnum, serenely. 'Why--it is the greatest curiosity you own. Heavens! a YELLOW pigeon! Sir, it is an anomaly--an undiscovered rarity--a--a--why, sir, it's an _incredibility_! I say, to my shame, I never heard of it. From Australia, I presume? There are some undiscovered marvels still left in that queer country.'