Between Bedford and Bulkeley, then, there was feud and mutual hatred. Bedford chafed the big man by constant sneers and sarcasms, which penetrated the other’s dull hide, and caused him frequently to assert that he would punch Dick’s ugly head off. The housekeeper had frequently to interpose, and fling her matronly arms between these men of war; and perhaps Bedford was forced to be still at times, for Bulkeley was nine inches taller than himself, and was perpetually bragging of his skill and feats as a bruiser. This sultan may also have wished to fling his pocket-handkerchief to Miss Mary Pinhorn, who, though she loved Bedford’s wit and cleverness, might also be not insensible to the magnificent chest, calves, whiskers, of Mr. Bulkeley. On this delicate subject, however, I can’t speak. The men hated each other. You have, no doubt, remarked in your experience of life, that when men _do_ hate each other, about a woman, or some other cause, the real reason is never assigned. You say, “The conduct of such and such a man to his grandmother—his behaviour in selling that horse to Benson—his manner of brushing his hair down the middle”—or what you will, “makes him so offensive to me that I can’t endure him.” His verses, therefore, are mediocre; his speeches in parliament are utter failures; his practice at the bar is dwindling every year; his powers (always small) are utterly leaving him, and he is repeating his confounded jokes until they quite nauseate. Why, only about myself, and within these three days, I read a nice little article—written in sorrow, you know, not in anger—by our eminent _confrère_ Wiggins,[1] deploring the decay of, &c. &c. And Wiggins’s little article which was not found suitable for a certain Magazine?—_Allons donc!_ The drunkard says the pickled salmon gave him the headache; the man who hates us gives _a_ reason, but not _the_ reason. Bedford was angry with Bulkeley for abusing his mistress at the servants’ table? Yes. But for what else besides? I don’t care—nor possibly does your worship, the exalted reader, for these low vulgar kitchen quarrels.