The Cornhill Magazine (Vol. I, No. 6, June 1860)Various
History
The Cornhill Magazine (Vol. I, No. 6, June 1860)
Various
England -- Periodicals; English literature -- Periodicals; Short stories, English -- Periodicals
And indeed this handing round has become a vulgar and an intolerable
nuisance among us second-class gentry with our eight hundred a year—there
or thereabouts;—doubly intolerable as being destructive of our natural
comforts, and a wretchedly vulgar aping of men with large incomes.
The Duke of Omnium and Lady Hartletop are undoubtedly wise to have
everything handed round. Friends of mine who occasionally dine at such
houses tell me that they get their wine quite as quickly as they can
drink it, that their mutton is brought to them without delay, and that
the potato-bearer follows quick upon the heels of carnifer. Nothing
can be more comfortable, and we may no doubt acknowledge that these
first-class grandees do understand their material comforts. But we of
the eight hundred can no more come up to them in this than we can in
their opera-boxes and equipages. May I not say that the usual tether of
this class, in the way of carnifers, cup-bearers, and the rest, does not
reach beyond neat-handed Phyllis and the greengrocer? and that Phyllis,
neat-handed as she probably is, and the greengrocer, though he be ever so
active, cannot administer a dinner to twelve people who are prohibited by
a Medo-Persian law from all self-administration whatever? And may I not
further say that the lamentable consequence to us eight hundreders dining
out among each other is this, that we too often get no dinner at all.
Phyllis, with the potatoes, cannot reach us till our mutton is devoured,
or in a lukewarm state past our power of managing; and Ganymede, the
greengrocer, though we admire the skill of his necktie and the whiteness
of his unexceptionable gloves, fails to keep us going in sherry.
Seeing a lady the other day in this strait, left without the small
modicum of stimulus which was no doubt necessary for her good digestion,
I ventured to ask her to drink wine with me. But when I bowed my head
at her, she looked at me withall her eyes, struck with amazement.
Had I suggested that she should join me in a wild Indian war-dance,
with nothing on but my paint, her face could not have shown greater
astonishment. And yet I should have thought she might have remembered the
days when Christian men and women used to drink wine with each other.
God be with the good old days when I could hobnob with my friend over the
table as often as I was inclined to lift my glass to my lips, and make a
long arm for a hot potato whenever the exigencies of my plate required it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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