The Cornhill Magazine (Vol. XLI, No. 241 new series, July 1916)Various
General
The Cornhill Magazine (Vol. XLI, No. 241 new series, July 1916)
Various
England -- Periodicals; English literature -- Periodicals; Short stories, English -- Periodicals
influence over her, which, of course, she would never let him see again.
All the same he had replied at once, asking if he might come and
say good-bye before she left Scarfedale. And she had sent him a
telegram—‘Delighted—to-morrow—five o’clock.’
And he was going—out of a kind of recklessness—a kind of obstinate recoil
against the sorrowful or depressing circumstance of life. He had given
up all thoughts of trying to win her back—even if there were any chance
of it. His pride would not let him sue as a pauper; and of course the
Langmoors, to whom she was going—he understood—from Scarfedale, would
take good care she did not throw herself away. Quite right too. Very
likely the Tamworths would capture her; and Bletchley was quite a nice
fellow.
When he did see her, what could they talk about? Radowitz?
He would like to send a message through her to Radowitz—to say something—
What could he say? He had seen Radowitz for a few minutes after the
inquest—to thank him for his evidence—and for what he had done for Sir
Arthur. Both had hurried through it. Falloden had seemed to himself
stricken with aphasia. His mouth was dry, his tongue useless. And
Radowitz had been all nerves, a flickering colour—good God, how deathly
he looked!
Afterwards he had begun a letter to Radowitz, and had toiled at it,
sometimes at dead of night, and in a feverish heat of brain. But he had
never finished or sent it. What was the use? Nothing was changed. That
black sling and the damaged hand in it stood for one of those hard facts
that no wishing, and no sentimentalising, and no remorse could get over.
‘I wish to God I had let him alone!’
That now was the frequent and bitter cry of Falloden’s inmost being.
Trouble and the sight of trouble—sorrow—and death—had been to him, as
to other men, sobering and astonishing facts. The most decisive effect
of them had been to make him vulnerable, to break through the hard
defences of pride and custom, so that he realised what he had done. And
this realisation was fast becoming a more acute and haunting thing than
anything else. It constantly drove out the poignant recollection of his
father’s death, or the dull sense of financial loss and catastrophe. Loss
and catastrophe might be at some distant time made good. But what could
ever give Radowitz back his art—his career—his natural object in life?
The hatches of the present had just got to be closed over this ugly,
irreparable thing. ‘I can’t undo it—nothing can ever be undone. But I
can’t spend my life in repenting it; one must just go forward, and not
let that, or anything else, hamstring a man who has got his fight to
fight, and can’t get out of it.’
Undo it? No. But were no, even partial, amends possible?—nothing that
could be offered, or done, or said?—nothing that would give Constance
Bledlow pleasure, or change her opinion?—efface that shrinking in her, of
which he hated to think?
He cudgelled his brains, but could think of nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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