The Cornhill Magazine (vol. XLI, no. 244 new series, October 1916)Various
General
The Cornhill Magazine (vol. XLI, no. 244 new series, October 1916)
Various
England -- Periodicals; English literature -- Periodicals; Short stories, English -- Periodicals
How many in every age have craved to read the future, to uncover the
secrets of the coming years; and to that end have pinned a foolish faith
upon the words of fortune-tellers, soothsayers and suchlike blind leaders
of the blind. For my part, owing more to a sluggish quality in my blood,
probably, than to any special wisdom or strength of mind, I have always
felt thankful—since I became capable of reasoned thought—the future was
a sealed book to me, or rather a book of which it is ordained I shall
turn but one page at a time. To skip, to look on, to take a glance at the
end, would be, in my case anyhow, to paralyse will and action by excess
of hope or dread. No; depend on it, that is a merciful dispensation which
condemns us to make haste slowly in deciphering the story of our lives,
learning here a little and there a little, precept upon precept and line
upon line. Unquestionably had second-sight been given me as to much which
lay ahead, on the glorious June mid-day when I started with Hartover up
to town, I should have been utterly unnerved by the prospect of the stern
doings I was to witness; and so have proved but a pitiably broken reed on
which for him to lean.
I rose early, though still tired; and, somewhat refreshed by a cold bath,
dressed and made inquiries regarding Hartover. Finding he still slept, I
left a message for him and went out.
I have observed that, in fatigue, the mind is peculiarly responsive to
outside influences. It was so with me, as I walked along the familiar
streets in the radiant morning sunlight. Never had the inherent poetry
of Cambridge, its dignity and repose, appealed to me more forcibly.
My filial affection went out to this place which had sheltered my
youth and inexperience, nourished my intellect, given me the means of
livelihood, given me, also, many friends—went out to its traditions, to
its continuity of high endeavour through centuries of scholarship, of
religious and of scientific thought. What a roll of honour, what a galaxy
of famous and venerable names, it could show!
But I had no time to linger, to-day of all days, over meditations such
as these. Not past splendours but very present anxieties claimed me. I
hastened my steps, and passed in under the fine Tudor gateway of my own
college just as the men—‘a numerous throng arrayed in white’—poured out
from chapel, into the sunshine and shadow, the green and grey of the big
quadrangle.
My object was to obtain speech of the Master; and I was fortunate enough
to catch him as he was entering the Lodge. I begged for ten minutes’ talk
with him while he ate his breakfast—a request he granted readily, being
curious, as I fancied, to learn my errand and, since I had not kept my
chapel, whence I came.
I satisfied him on both points, telling him as much as I deemed expedient
about Hartover’s unexpected descent upon me—to all of which he listened
with genuine interest and concern.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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