Albany, Louise Maximiliane Caroline Emanuele, Princess of Stolberg-Gedern, calling herself Countess of, 1752-1824
self-vivisection of which I have spoken. Alfieri had always been
extraordinarily truthful, not merely for his time and country, but
truthful quite beyond the limits of a mere negative virtue. But he was
also, what seems almost incompatible with this ferocious truthfulness,
excessively self-conscious and morally attitudinising, a thin-skinned
_poseur_. To reconcile these seemingly contradictory characteristics, to
become what he wished to appear, to pose as what he was, to make himself
up (if I may say so) as himself, to intensify what he recognised as his
main characteristics and efface all his other ones, now became to
Alfieri a sort of unconscious aim of life, closely connected with his
avowed desire to become a great poet; "the reason of which desire," he
himself wrote in his diary, "is my immoderate ambition, which, finding
no other field, has devoted itself entirely to literature." Nothing
can be more serious, as I have already remarked, than this diary of
Alfieri's struggles, where he notes, day by day, the laziness, the
meanness, the want of frankness to himself and others, the despicable
vanity, the attempt to appear what he is not, the indulged unfounded
suspiciousness towards his friends, all the little base defects which
must have pained a nature like his more than any real sinfulness, as the
prodding of a surgeon's instruments would have agonised such a man more
than an actual amputation. He narrates _in extenso_ all his vacillations
about nothing at all, all his givings way to laziness, all his insincere
confidences made to others. One morning is consumed in debating whether
or not he will buy a certain Indian walking-stick: "Torn by avarice and
the ambition of having it, I go away without deciding whether I will buy
it or not, yet I know full well that before two days are out I shall
have bought it. Seeking to understand this contradiction, I discover
a thousand ridiculous dirtinesses in my character (_mille ridicole
porcherie_)." Another day he notes down, after describing the mean envy
with which he has listened to the praises of another member of his
little club of dilettante authors: "I do believe that as much praise as
is being given and will ever be given to all mankind for every sort of
praiseworthy thing, I should like to snap up for myself alone." Again,
another day he writes: "More lazy than ever. Walking with a friend, and
talking about our incomes, &c. I thought I was giving him a perfectly
open account of my money matters; but, with the best intention of
telling him the truth, I find that, in order to deceive myself as well
as him, I increased my fortune by one-fifth." Again, "I had some doubts
whether, as it was blowing hard on the promenade, I would go on as far
as where the ladies were walking; because, knowing that I was looking
pale and ill, and that the wind had taken the powder out of my hair, I
was unwilling to show myself in a condition so unsuitable to my
pretensions to beauty."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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