Behold yon clown, whose frugal care has made A pretty something in his humble trade;-- Fit object now for pillage of the law!-- He sells a field;--the vendee finds a flaw-- What mean those writings underneath his arm? Why rise those smirks of gratulation warm From hungry black-coats,--eager for the prey,-- Who crowd the boro’ on a market day--[1] The game is up--around the blood-hounds close, And snuff their victim with prophetic nose. The case he tells most luminously dark, And puzzles (what will not?) each country shark. An action bring, your right at once to try Cries one;--an action bring the rest reply-- All to one object with one feeling tend,-- Deceit the means, and robbery the end. But how much will it cost? the rustic cries, A song, a song--the ready fox replies-- For fifty pounds your battle will be won, The thing, my friend, is clearer than the sun. You know our office, come with me and look, This very point is in the statute book, Confirmed by fifty judges dead and gone,-- Each wiser in his time than Solomon-- If still from caution sage you fear to err, Resort at once to some King’s Counsellor; His fee’s two guineas--or about the mark-- With two and sixpence more to bribe his clerk, Lest on the shelf your case despised should rot, Or lose its turn, and be at last forgot. The Gudgeon bites, and lawyer Grabble gains Another Client to reward his pains. A case is drawn, ingrossed, and sent to town, And twelve months after comes th’ opinion down. Ill brooks exhausted Patience such a spell, Tho’ loth to quarrel with the name of Bell. What does he promise failure or success? His words are few, and those one can but guess-- Like strange Egyptian characters of yore, Or pot-hooks drawn upon an alehouse door, Or like the scrawls a spider’s legs might trace, When dipt in ink, upon as white a space--[2] “He cannot say, but much inclines to doubt “The vendee’s object will be brought about; “And thinks the vendor has an equal chance, “The law so much depends on circumstance-- “He knows not half the facts, so would advise “That all disputes should end in compromise-- “But, if the vendor wish his luck to try, “He straight must file a bill in Chancery.”[3]