It would have been something if she had been able to ask questions; to
glean information from those who knew him so much better than she
did--if she could have gained some insight into the kind of man he
actually was. But she dare not ask a question. One thing she did see
clearly--too clearly--and that was the impression she had made upon
the Vernons by what had struck them as her amazing statement that she
had only known him as Mr Eric Frazer. Another word or two and, for all
she could tell, she would have done what he had warned her not to
do--she would have played him false. That he had played her false, in
a sense, seemed true; but then, what he had done he had done for her;
it behoved her to be careful that what she did was done for him.
So it came about that, for his sake, she was tongue-tied. Wholly in
the dark as to his actual identity, as to the real part which he was
playing; not knowing, even, what was the story he had told on her
account, she had to walk warily lest, by some chance expression, she
should do him a disservice. This was one of those girls who, when
forced by circumstances into situations of the most extreme
discomfort, are indifferent for themselves, and anxious only for
others. She had taken that diamond ring off her engagement finger; but
there was a tingling feeling where it had been, as if it still were
there; and that tingling caused her, now and then, as it were, against
her will, to glance at it; and, as she glanced, all that the ring
stood for to her came back to her--she saw it all. She saw the room in
'The Bolton Arms,' in the light, and in the dark; and, in the dark,
what was on the table. She saw herself, the coward behind the curtain,
with quivering flesh, as that grisly something glowered at her through
the silence of the darkened room. She heard--the awful sound--in the
pitch blackness; and she fled headlong through the window, like a
thing possessed, and dropped through the unknown depths below--she had
only to shut her eyes to feel herself dropping. She saw people looking
for her--everywhere she saw them looking; and when she saw what was in
their eyes--that was the worst of it all--she was as one frozen with
fear. Yet, could she have had her way, she would have gone straight
off and given herself up to those who sought her, to let them do with
her as they would--because she was afraid of what would come, of her
not doing so, to others--to him whom she had known as Eric Frazer; to
the good people of this house. That would be the worst drop of
bitterness, in her bitter cup, if hurt came to others because of her.
She had a feeling that, at that moment, the owner of the caravan,
whatever his name might be, was plunging deeper and deeper into the
mire, in a frantic, hopeless effort to get her clear of it. If he were
to get in so deep that there would be no getting out of it again, for
him, so that they were both of them engulfed in it, for ever? And
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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