Even when I was told afterwards that he had, as we might have said
to-day, broken the record, the manner in which that attention had been
rewarded relieved me of a sense of loss. I had of course a perfect
general consciousness that something great was going on: it was a little
like having been etherised to hear Herr Joachim play. The old music was
in the air; I felt the strong pulse of thought, the sink and swell, the
flight, the poise, the plunge; but I knew something about one of the
listeners that nobody else knew, and Saltram’s monologue could reach me
only through that medium. To this hour I’m of no use when, as a witness,
I’m appealed to—for they still absurdly contend about it—as to whether or
no on that historic night he was drunk; and my position is slightly
ridiculous, for I’ve never cared to tell them what it really was I was
taken up with. What I got out of it is the only morsel of the total
experience that is quite my own. The others were shared, but this is
incommunicable. I feel that now, I’m bound to say, even in thus roughly
evoking the occasion, and it takes something from my pride of clearness.
However, I shall perhaps be as clear as is absolutely needful if I remark
that our young lady was too much given up to her own intensity of
observation to be sensible of mine. It was plainly not the question of
her marriage that had brought her back. I greatly enjoyed this discovery
and was sure that had that question alone been involved she would have
stirred no step. In this case doubtless Gravener would, in spite of the
House of Commons, have found means to rejoin her. It afterwards made me
uncomfortable for her that, alone in the lodging Mrs. Mulville had put
before me as dreary, she should have in any degree the air of waiting for
her fate; so that I was presently relieved at hearing of her having gone
to stay at Coldfield. If she was in England at all while the engagement
stood the only proper place for her was under Lady Maddock’s wing. Now
that she was unfortunate and relatively poor, perhaps her prospective
sister-in-law would be wholly won over.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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