It made me, to begin with, very restless—made me, instead of going
straight to the station, fidget a little about that many-coloured Common
which gives Wimbledon horizons. There was a worry for me to work off, or
rather keep at a distance, for I declined even to admit to myself that I
had, in Miss Anvoy’s phrase, been saddled with it. What could have been
clearer indeed than the attitude of recognising perfectly what a world of
trouble The Coxon Fund would in future save us, and of yet liking better
to face a continuance of that trouble than see, and in fact contribute
to, a deviation from attainable bliss in the life of two other persons in
whom I was deeply interested? Suddenly, at the end of twenty minutes,
there was projected across this clearness the image of a massive
middle-aged man seated on a bench under a tree, with sad far-wandering
eyes and plump white hands folded on the head of a stick—a stick I
recognised, a stout gold-headed staff that I had given him in devoted
days. I stopped short as he turned his face to me, and it happened that
for some reason or other I took in as I had perhaps never done before the
beauty of his rich blank gaze. It was charged with experience as the sky
is charged with light, and I felt on the instant as if we had been
overspanned and conjoined by the great arch of a bridge or the great dome
of a temple. Doubtless I was rendered peculiarly sensitive to it by
something in the way I had been giving him up and sinking him. While I
met it I stood there smitten, and I felt myself responding to it with a
sort of guilty grimace. This brought back his attention in a smile which
expressed for me a cheerful weary patience, a bruised noble gentleness.
I had told Miss Anvoy that he had no dignity, but what did he seem to me,
all unbuttoned and fatigued as he waited for me to come up, if he didn’t
seem unconcerned with small things, didn’t seem in short majestic? There
was majesty in his mere unconsciousness of our little conferences and
puzzlements over his maintenance and his reward.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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