MRS. SALTRAM left me drawing my breath more quickly and indeed almost in
pain—as if I had just perilously grazed the loss of something precious.
I didn’t quite know what it was—it had a shocking resemblance to my
honour. The emotion was the livelier surely in that my pulses even yet
vibrated to the pleasure with which, the night before, I had rallied to
the rare analyst, the great intellectual adventurer and pathfinder. What
had dropped from me like a cumbersome garment as Saltram appeared before
me in the afternoon on the heath was the disposition to haggle over his
value. Hang it, one had to choose, one had to put that value somewhere;
so I would put it really high and have done with it. Mrs. Mulville drove
in for him at a discreet hour—the earliest she could suppose him to have
got up; and I learned that Miss Anvoy would also have come had she not
been expecting a visit from Mr. Gravener. I was perfectly mindful that I
was under bonds to see this young lady, and also that I had a letter to
hand to her; but I took my time, I waited from day to day. I left Mrs.
Saltram to deal as her apprehensions should prompt with the Pudneys. I
knew at last what I meant—I had ceased to wince at my responsibility. I
gave this supreme impression of Saltram time to fade if it would; but it
didn’t fade, and, individually, it hasn’t faded even now. During the
month that I thus invited myself to stiffen again, Adelaide Mulville,
perplexed by my absence, wrote to me to ask why I _was_ so stiff. At
that season of the year I was usually oftener “with” them. She also
wrote that she feared a real estrangement had set in between Mr. Gravener
and her sweet young friend—a state of things but half satisfactory to her
so long as the advantage resulting to Mr. Saltram failed to disengage
itself from the merely nebulous state. She intimated that her sweet
young friend was, if anything, a trifle too reserved; she also intimated
that there might now be an opening for another clever young man. There
never was the slightest opening, I may here parenthesise, and of course
the question can’t come up to-day. These are old frustrations now. Ruth
Anvoy hasn’t married, I hear, and neither have I. During the month,
toward the end, I wrote to George Gravener to ask if, on a special
errand, I might come to see him, and his answer was to knock the very
next day at my door. I saw he had immediately connected my enquiry with
the talk we had had in the railway-carriage, and his promptitude showed
that the ashes of his eagerness weren’t yet cold. I told him there was
something I felt I ought in candour to let him know—I recognised the
obligation his friendly confidence had laid on me.
“You mean Miss Anvoy has talked to you? She has told me so herself,” he
said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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