Elisaveta’s body flamed all over, as though a fire had penetrated the
whole sweet, sensitive flesh; and oh, how she wished to press, to
cling, to embrace! If he would only come! Only by day he spoke to her
his dead-sounding words of love, kindled by the kisses of the accursed
Dragon. Oh, if he would only come by night to the secretly flaming
great Fire of the blossoming Flesh!
Did he love her? Was his a final and a single-souled love conquering
by the eternal spirit of the divine Aphrodite? Where love is there
daring should be also. Is love, then, gentle, meek, obedient? Is it
not a flame, decreed to take what is its own without waiting?
Her eager, impatient fancies seethed. If he only had come he would
have been a young god. But he was only a human being who bowed down
before his idol; he was a small slave of a small demon. He did not
come, he had not dared, he had not guessed: a dark grief came over
Elisaveta from the secret seething of her passion.
As she looked at her wonderful image in the mirror, Elisaveta thought:
“Perhaps he is praying. The weak and the haughty--why do they pray?
They should be taught to be joyous, to remake their religion and be
the first in the new sect.”
Elisaveta could not sleep. Desire tormented her; she did not know what
she wanted--was it to go?--to wait? She walked out on the balcony. The
nocturnal coolness caressed her naked body. She stood there long; the
contact of her naked feet with the warm, moist boards was pleasant.
She looked into the pale light of the mist-wrapt garden dreaming there
under the moon. She recalled at this moment the details of the day’s
walk, and all that they had seen in Trirodov’s house; she recalled it
all so clearly, with almost the vividness of a hallucination. Then a
drowsiness crept up, seized her. And Elisaveta could not recall later
how she found herself in her bed. It was almost as if an invisible
being had carried her, tucked her in, and rocked her to sleep.
It was a restless, tormenting sleep. She saw horrible visions,
nightmares. They were remarkably clear and real.
She was in a very dusty room. The air in it was stifling, it oppressed
her breast. The walls were covered with bookcases filled with books.
The tables were also covered with books--all new, slender, with bright
covers. The title-pages were for some reason ponderous, terrible to
look at. A tall, gaunt, long-haired student entered; his hair was very
straight, his face morose and grey, he wore spectacles. He whispered:
“Hide them.”
And he placed on the table a bundle of books and pamphlets. Some one
behind Elisaveta stretched out a hand, took the books, and thrust them
under the table. Then came a woman student, strangely resembling the
man student yet quite different; she was short, thick, red-cheeked,
short-haired, cheerful, and wore pince-nez. She also brought a bundle
of books, and said quietly:
“Hide them.”
Elisaveta hid the books in the bookcase and was afraid of something.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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