He strove desperately to regain his intellectual freedom, but he
could not. He could conjure up no visions but those of fear. The
creatures of the dark invaded him, fantastic terrors were thronging
on every side: they came from the darkness into his eyes and beyond
into himself, so that his mind as well as his fancy was captured,
and he knew he was, indeed, in gaol.
It was with a great start that he heard a voice speaking from the
silence—a harsh, yet cultivated voice, but he could not imagine
which of his companions was speaking. He had a vision of that man
tormented by the mental imprisonment of the darkness, trying to get
away from his ghosts and slimy enemies, goaded into speech in his
own despite lest he should be submerged and finally possessed by
the abysmal demons. For a while the voice spoke of the strangeness
of life and the cruelty of men to each other—disconnected
sentences, odd words of selfpity and self-encouragement, and then
the matter became more connected and a story grew in the dark cell
“I knew a man,” said the voice, “and he was a clerk. He had thirty
shillings a week, and for five years he had never missed a day
going to his work. He was a careful man, but a person with a wife
and four children cannot save much out of thirty shillings a week.
The rent of a house is high, a wife and children must be fed, and
they have to get boots and clothes, so that at the end of each week
that man’s thirty shillings used to be all gone. But they managed
to get along somehow—the man and his wife and the four children
were fed and clothed and educated, and the man often wondered how
so much could be done with so little money; but the reason was
that his wife was a careful woman . . . and then the man got sick.
A poor person cannot afford to get sick, and a married man cannot
leave his work. If he is sick he has to be sick; but he must go
to his work all the same, for if he stayed away who would pay the
wages and feed his family? and when he went back to work he might
find that there was nothing for him to do. This man fell sick, but
he made no change in his way of life: he got up at the same time
and went to the office as usual, and he got through the day somehow
without attracting his employer’s attention. He didn’t know what
was wrong with him: he only knew that he was sick. Sometimes he had
sharp, swift pains in his head, and again there would be long hours
of languor when he could scarcely bear to change his position or
lift a pen. He would commence a letter with the words ‘Dear Sir,’
forming the letter ‘D’ with painful, accurate slowness, elaborating
and thickening the up and down strokes, and being troubled when he
had to leave that letter for the next one; he built the next letter
by hair strokes and would start on the third with hatred. The end
of a word seemed to that man like the conclusion of an event—it was
a surprising, isolated, individual thing, having no reference to
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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