anything else in the world, and on starting a new word he seemed
bound, in order to preserve its individuality, to write it in a
different handwriting. He would sit with his shoulders hunched up
and his pen resting on the paper, staring at a letter until he
was nearly mesmerized, and then come to himself with a sense of
fear, which started him working like a madman, so that he might
not be behind with his business. The day seemed to be so long. It
rolled on rusty hinges that could scarcely move. Each hour was like
a great circle swollen with heavy air, and it droned and buzzed
into an eternity. It seemed to the man that his hand in particular
wanted to rest. It was luxury not to work with it. It was good to
lay it down on a sheet of paper with the pen sloping against his
finger, and then watch his hand going to sleep—it seemed to the
man that it was his hand and not himself wanted to sleep, but it
always awakened when the pen slipped. There was an instinct in him
somewhere not to let the pen slip, and every time the pen moved
his hand awakened, and began to work languidly. When he went home
at night he lay down at once and stared for hours at a fly on the
wall or a crack on the ceiling. When his wife spoke to him he heard
her speaking as from a great distance, and he answered her dully as
though he was replying through a cloud. He only wanted to be let
alone, to be allowed to stare at the fly on the wall, or the crack
on the ceiling.
“One morning he found that he couldn’t get up, or rather, that
he didn’t want to get up. When his wife called him he made no
reply, and she seemed to call him every ten seconds—the words,
‘get up, get up,’ were crackling all round him; they were bursting
like bombs on the right hand and on the left of him: they were
scattering from above and all around him, bursting upwards from the
floor, swirling, swaying, and jostling each other. Then the sounds
ceased, and one voice only said to him ‘You are late!’ He saw these
words like a blur hanging in the air, just beyond his eyelids, and
he stared at the blur until he fell asleep.”
The voice in the cell ceased speaking for a few minutes, and then
it went on again.
“For three weeks the man did not leave his bed—he lived faintly
in a kind of trance, wherein great forms moved about slowly and
immense words were drumming gently for ever. When he began to
take notice again everything in the house was different. Most of
the furniture, paid for so hardly, was gone. He missed a thing
everywhere—chairs, a mirror, a table: wherever he looked he missed
something; and downstairs was worse—there, everything was gone. His
wife had sold all her furniture to pay for doctors, for medicine,
for food and rent. And she was changed too: good things had gone
from her face; she was gaunt, sharp-featured, miserable—but she was
comforted to think he was going back to work soon.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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