The Cruise of the "Scandal", and other storiesBridges, Victor
General
The Cruise of the "Scandal", and other stories
Bridges, Victor
English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
"It 'ad all 'appened so sudden-like that the 'ead warder an' Jackson
were fair took by surprise. D'rectly they sees the microbe catch
'old of the guv'nor, 'owever, they both dashes forward an' seizes the
doctor. The guv'nor were 'oppin' round the room tryin' to get in a
second shot with the squisher, an' cussin' an' swearin' something
awful. Spikey Joe says from the samples of 'is language as reached
the cells it's a marvel the microbe didn't drop 'is jaw and let go.
"'Call 'im orf--call 'im orf,' 'e shouts to the doctor.
"'Well, call your microbes orf,' says the doctor, alludin' rude-like
to Jackson and the 'ead warder.
"'Let go of 'im, you idjuts!' roars the guv'nor, 'oldin' on to the
table an' tryin' to kick the microbe with 'is other foot.
"They drops the doctor's arms, an' 'e starts rearrangin' the collar
of 'is coat.
"''Urry up! 'Urry up, man!' yells the guv'nor.
"'All right,' says the doctor coolly. ''Ere, Cholera! Cholera!'
"As soon as 'e calls, the microbe, wot all the time 'ad been 'angin'
on like grim death, lets go 'is grip, an' comes 'oppin' back to 'im,
waggin' of 'is tail an' purrin' like anything."
"But why did 'e let go when the doctor says 'Collar 'er'?" objected
Sam; "that would 'ave made 'im 'ang on all the 'arder."
"Not collar 'er, stupid," retorted Mr. Parbury impatiently;
"cholera--see? Cholera microbe!"
"'Ow! I see--'is name like."
"Jest so," assented Mr. Parbury. "Well, when Jackson an' the 'ead
warder sees the microbe comin' back, they lets go the doctor an' runs
to 'elp the guv'nor.
"'Don't come messin' about me,' yells the guv'nor. 'One of yer ketch
'old o' that ruffian, an' the other fetch the prison doctor.'
"'E's away for the day, sir,' says the 'ead warder. 'Shall I go
outside and find another for yer? Jackson'll 'old on to B24.'
"''Tain't no use,' says the doctor, breakin' in with a 'orrid sorter
laugh. ''E'll be too late. Ye'll both 'ave the cholera in 'alf an
hour unless I gives yer the hantydote.'"
"Wot's that?" demanded Sam.
"Kinder secret medicine," explained Mr. Parbury. "Jest like each
microbe's got 'is special poison, so each poison's got 'is special
hantydote. Bein', as I said afore, a hedjicated man, the guv'nor
sees the force of wot the doctor says.
"'Ye wouldn't murder us, man?' he says.
"'I ain't got no grudge against you,' answers the doctor. 'If ye
promises me on yer word as a English orficer yell let me keep the
microbe an' won't take no further notice o' this hincident, I'll save
yer life.'
"'An' wot about me?' cried Jackson, as was already beginnin' to feel
a bit un'appy like inside.
"'Oh, you'll 'ave to go through it.'
"Jackson busts out a-sobbin', and the guv'nor draws 'isself up proud.
"'A English orficer don't desert 'is subordinates,' 'e says. 'You
must attend to 'im, too--after you done me.'
"'Right y'are,' says the doctor; 'in that case you'll 'ave to put in
a application to 'ave my sentence rejooced.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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