The Curious Republic of Gondour, and Other Whimsical SketchesTwain, Mark
General
The Curious Republic of Gondour, and Other Whimsical Sketches
Twain, Mark
Essays; Short stories
No battle has been fought yet. But Field Marshal McMahon telegraphs thus to the Emperor:
“If the Frinch army survoives until Christmas there'll be throuble. Forninst this fact it would be sagacious if the divil wint the rounds of his establishment to prepare for the occasion, and tuk the precaution to warrum up the Prussian depairtment a bit agin the day. MIKE.”
There is an enormous state of excitement here over news from the front to the effect that yesterday France and Prussia were simultaneously invaded by the two bodies of troops which lately assembled on the border. Both armies conducted their invasions secretly and are now hunting around for each other on opposite sides of the border.
Russia espouses the cause of France. She will bring 200,000 men to the field.
England continues to remain neutral.
Firing was heard yesterday in the direction of Blucherberg, and for a while the excitement was intense. However the people reflected that the country in that direction is uninhabitable, and impassable by anything but birds, they became quiet again.
The Emperor sends his troops to the field with immense enthusiasm. He will lead them in person, when they return.
.....................
Fourth Day
THE EUROPEAN WAR!
NO BATTLE YET!!
THE TROOPS GROWING OLD!
BUT BITTER STRIFE IMMINENT!
PRODIGIOUS EXCITEMENT!
THE INVASIONS SUCCESSFULLY ACCOMPLISHED
AND THE INVADERS SAFE!
RUSSIA SIDES WITH BOTH SIDES
ENGLAND WILL FIGHT BOTH!
LONDON, Friday.
No battle has been fought thus far, but a million impetuous soldiers are gritting their teeth at each other across the border, and the most serious fears entertained that if they do not die of old age first, there will be bloodshed in this war yet.
The prodigious patriotic excitement goes on. In Prussia, per Prussian telegrams, though contradicted from France. In France, per French telegrams, though contradicted from Prussia.
The Prussian invasion of France was a magnificent success. The military failed to find the French, but made good their return to Prussia without the loss of a single man. The French invasion of Prussia is also demonstrated to have been a brilliant and successful achievement. The army failed to find the Prussians, but made good their return to the Vaterland without bloodshed, after having invaded as much as they wanted to.
There is glorious news from Russia to the effect that she will side with both sides.
Also from England--she will fight both sides.
....................
LONDON, Thursday evening.
I rushed over too soon. I shall return home on Tuesday's steamer and wait until the war begins. M. T.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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