ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another. To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears? But woman's body is the woman. Oh, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go. But heed the warning words the sage hath said: A woman absent is a woman dead. Jogo Tyree. ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereigns' power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance. ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A Total Abstainer is one who abstains from everything, but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought You a total abstainer, my son." "So I am, so I am," said the scapegrace caught-- "But not, sir, a bigoted one." G. J. ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. ACADEMY, n. [from Academe]. A modern school where football is taught. ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws. ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting. ACCORD, n. Harmony. ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. "My accountability, bear in mind," Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes." Said the Shah: "I do--'t is the only kind Of ability you possess." ACCUSE, v. t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him. ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by the Prince de Joinville. ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. ACKNOWLEDGE, v. t. To confess. To acknowledge one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. Joram Tate.