English language -- Dictionaries -- Humor; English language -- Semantics -- Humor; Vocabulary -- Humor
FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead
animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this
purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many
advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether
reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these
persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of
God's mercy to those that hate Him.
FORMA PAUPERIS [Latin], n. In the character of a poor person--a method by
which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to
lose his case.
When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court
(For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented)
Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report,
He stood and pleaded unhabilimented.
"You sue <i>in forma pauperis</i>, I see," Eve cried;
"Actions can't here be that way prosecuted."
So all poor Adam's motions coldly were denied:
He went away--as he had come--nonsuited.
G. J.
FRANKALMOIGNE, n. The tenure by which a religious corporation holds
lands on condition of praying for the soul of the donor. In mediaeval
times many of the wealthiest fraternities obtained their estates in this
simple and cheap manner, and once when Henry VIII of England sent an
officer to confiscate certain vast possessions which a fraternity of
monks held by frankalmoigne, "What!" said the Prior, "would your master
stay our benefactor's soul in Purgatory?" "Ay," said the officer,
coldly, "an ye will not pray him thence for naught he must e'en roast."
"But look you, my son," persisted the good man, "this act hath rank as
robbery of God!" "Nay, nay, good father, my master the king doth but
deliver Him from the manifold temptations of too great wealth."
FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations
lack the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly
half dozen of restraint's infinite multitude of methods. A political
condition that every nation supposes itself to enjoy in practical
monopoly. Liberty. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not
accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living
specimen of either.
Freedom, as every schoolboy knows,
Once shrieked as Kosciusko fell;
On every wind, indeed, that blows
I hear her yell.
She screams whenever monarchs meet,
And parliaments as well,
To bind the chains about her feet
And toll her knell.
And when the sovereign people cast
The votes they cannot spell,
Upon the lung-impested blast
Her clamors swell.
For all to whom the power's given
To sway or to compel,
Among themselves apportion heaven
And give her hell.
Blary O' Gary,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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