ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every respect to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a sawrian. ALONE, adj. In bad company. In contact, lo! the flint and steel, By spark and flame, the thought reveal That he the metal, she the stone, Had cherished secretly alone. Booley Fito. ALTAR, n. The place whereon the priest formerly ravelled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool. They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried. In vain the sacrifice!--no god will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame. M. P. Nopput. AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be villified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. AMNESTY, n. The State's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. ANOINT, v.t. To grease. To consecrate a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. Judibras. ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend. APHORISM, n. A brief statement, bald in style and flat in sense. The flabby wine-skin of a brain That, spilling once and filled again, Voids from its impotent abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher" 1697 APOLOGIZE, v. i. To lay the foundation for a future offence. APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider. When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim: "My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!" G.F. APPEAL, v. t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.