Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
David came through the room: it seemed a cavern as he made these paltry
steps to Tom. He sat beside him. Still, he was ill-at-ease. He felt so
suddenly strong, and stronger than his friend. While Tom talked, it had
been hard for him to master the despairing sweep of impotence over his
body as his mind. Now again, coming of his strength beside his friend,
he felt a chord draw him, held outside himself; so that his coming was
weakness. This could not be. Surely, it was good to sit beside his
friend and comfort him, to be glad of the mystic glow that touched from
their two bodies and made him feel Tom’s breathing, made him feel the
palpitance of Tom’s thought like a butterfly in his close-cupped hands.
Tom said: “Sitting beside me, you are sitting beside nothing.”
David was still.
“At the heart of me, David, there is an empty place. What you call my
success has been a violence wrenched from me. David, have you ever
walked along a country-road, taken a flower in your hand that grew
beside it--pulled, hoping as you walked on to unearth it by its roots:
and have you ever found in your hand a pitiful crumpled heap of petals
and pollen, with the nude stalk still fast behind you in the ground?”
“I wish I could reason out how wrong you are. I suppose for you I would
have to make a very clear argument. My feeling does not help you.”
“Are you sure?”
“If I am downcast, argument to prove I am all right is not the thing I
want. I am different from you.”
“Perhaps not in all things different, dear David.”
“I know you are wrong! I have watched you. We are friends, now, for so
long a time. I could have told you this, almost when we met--when I
paddled you about and you let your wrists play in the water and
sprinkled me. You have a funny habit, Tom, of hurting yourself. Lord
knows why you should like to! You are not satisfied with the world
because you are so much better. It is no sin, Tom, to live in the world
where we were born. It is splendid that you have such dreams of a far
better one. Your life proves how true and real you have been--perhaps
more so to Cornelia than to yourself. I am sure you would be the same
for me.”
“I could do anything for you.”
“I have nothing with which to cure you of your black doubts except a
stupid faith that does not touch you.”
“Davie, it is the best in you. Give me the best in you. I want nothing
better in all the world....”
Silence inclosed them, again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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