Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
She got up and redisposed herself on the couch. Her act was at once, in
its motion, an expenditure of force and, in its specific nature,
preparation for future outlet. David already found in himself the wish
to go and sit beside her.
The fear, lest it be the false thing to do--lest she dislike it, rebuke
him, misunderstand. Misunderstand what? David did not know, because he
found that he did not care. He sat there now, measuring his wish to sit
beside her with what was in her eyes--to find if it fitted.
They chatted. David knew less and less what he was saying, as he grew
more engrossed in the problem of his desire. Did he dare go and sit
beside her? He found no answer in her. Her look, like what she said, was
oblique and opaque. She seemed impenetrable to his seeking mind, but in
inverse ratio she seemed vulnerable to his fleeing senses. His mental
will to measure the effect of his coming to her faded from inanition:
his desire to come was less dependent on intellectual assurance.
He was unconscious of all this. Until, quiet and quick, he was up from
his chair in a silence and beside her. Nothing had happened. He was dumb
and he was empty, as if this coming close had been a mere beginning
after all of what he was about: as if he were still upon his journey.
Nothing had happened. David leaned over to her face that was at profile
from him. At once she turned to him. She gave him her lips. Nothing
happened. He kissed her. He sat beside her silent. The sense persisting
of a way half gone, of a will half done. He felt the sharp power of her
body under a frail gown. Nothing had happened at all. So he took her in
his arms.
She was looking with half-shut eyes into her self. Her lips were half
shut. All of her. He kissed her again. Experimentally: he was trying to
find a certain thing. His hands held the warm stillness of her body:
against his hard breathing he had hidden softness. He kissed her. Then,
he put her away. His heart raced; his blood panted after a sudden hunger
and she sat there smiling. Nothing had happened.
He looked to where she was through a swirl of sense. What should he do?
What should he say? How was it possible that she should love him so
quick? that he had not known before this marvel of loving her?
He took her hand and kissed its open palm. It was cool. His hand ran up
the naked flesh of her arm, thirsting, clamoring. Then, he dropped it
and stood up.
He turned his back on her. He paced the little room. Once, twice: over
and over. He stopped. He looked at her now as if he had never looked at
her before. He was a little way from her. An abyss, an eternity of way
which magic alone could empower him to pass.
Was he not friends with magic? Something spoke in him:
“You have only to step forward and take her.” He could not believe it.
He had never touched her. Magic, magic....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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