Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
Swift shadows were his thoughts against the tower of his vision. David
saw he was alive, and felt it good. Surely life was a miracle none could
explain. Surely to approach the miracle was to confess it--bask in the
glow of knowing life unknowable. He had a vision of the world of men and
children and mothers--endless millions massing down the ages. All of
them had eyes upturned, had eyes and lips full of prayer. All of them
were on their knees. All the men and mothers and children of all ages
were praying before the miracle of life! He thought of Science--he
thought of Darwin, of the makers of systems and machines, of the weavers
of dogmas and rules. He knew that all these were parts of the miracle
and somehow good. But what did they know and what did their saying
amount to? Could one of them explain what and why _Life was?_ the
ecstasy of this teeming, whirling earth flung like a fleck of dust upon
the whirlwind of countless worlds that, in their turn, lifted a shred of
flimsy scarf on the tempest of unending Space? They could not explain.
Their absorption in some speck of knowledge ended alone in this: that
they forgot they could not explain ... so lost the one approach they
might have had to the ecstasy of life. Their little speck of knowledge
blotted their vision!
David sat thrilling with the thought of this adventure--this greatest of
surprises:--he was alive! He seemed large in his vision, strong. He
realized that Tom did not have this vision. He felt himself larger and
stronger than Tom. He felt tender toward him for this. He forgave him
everything, since everything was trivial to this: that he was stronger
than Tom and loved him, and must therefore care for him. Out of the dim
vision of all life, there crystalized for David a vision clear and
single of his relationship with Tom. But in its superb folly, never
could it have been engendered save for the truth of David’s wanderings
among the stars....
So he was really stronger than his friend? And he had been unjust with
misunderstanding? There were discrepancies of words and action, dubious
things in Tom? Then let him out of his overflowing strength observe
them.
Tom said to him: “You are my one real friend. You must believe that.”
And: “Whatever I may say or do with others to deflect me, to you I am
the truth.”
Tom said these things often, because often puzzlement was in David and
doubt near. Tom said to him: “Your standard of me, David, is a great
injustice. Its height is unfair. I am not strong, David, I am weak. I
admit all the hateful things you see in me when we go out together. A
sort of drunkenness quivers through me. I have to say clever things, I
have to please, I have to _control_. Damn it, man! you don’t despise it
half so well as I. But, Davie, I am not like that, am I, when we are
alone? Why won’t you judge me by my real self? Tell me, do you judge
anything else when it is hidden and sick?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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