Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
Women sat in shawls on the housesteps: doors opened into reeking, into
pregnant darkness: children in rags among filth of gutters: horses
rattling their carts through laughter of children. Mothers had gray long
breasts--they held them to sweet red lips. Mothers had shrill
words--they spoke love. High noon came on the precocious sun of Spring
and clarified the crevices of filth between the Belgian blocks. Odors
rose to the sun not sweet like the smells of earlier Springs. And yet
no Spring was fertile like this Spring. No stir of field with young
grass, with young flowers, with margin of maples ruddy in hard buds,
keen in the glint of birds.... David lived. David for a moment saw with
his eyes how his eye-lids were shut down against them. David saw....
* * * * *
Blackness ... ultimate texture of all colors ... light. A world of
infinite color, infinite flesh: himself within the world, himself
carried within it through it. Himself of the breakless tissue of the
world. Flesh of sweet smells, sweet odors, sweet fluids. Flesh
altogether and altogether about him. He altogether touching all
Flesh--and All. David knew through his shut eyes, walking the world, how
he was carried within a world of ceaseless substance: how he was
substance within it: how his moving and knowing through Flesh was
Spirit.... He walked--he worked--he ate. He had a woman’s body, he
earned the bread of a man, he held the love of a friend. Flesh, all. And
his moving through Flesh, his moving through infinite immersion through
the Night, through the World of Flesh--Spirit and Dawn.... His eyes were
shut. But his mouth was open! David saw with his mouth. And though he
knew not he had seen, there was within him, there would be now
forevermore within him, life of a vision.
The world was a Dark Mother. The Night of the miracle of worlds was
fleshed and was a Mother. She moved in infinite directions an infinite
path. She was moveless. And he within her, moving with the world toward
the movelessness of birth.
David was unborn. But his mouth sucked vision. Sucking the Night sucked
vision. He slept again. Slept long.... Slept years.... But he lived.
* * * * *
David and Tom came back from dinner: they sat together for a last smoke
in their room: the world they willed came to be. David lit his pipe: it
was the one smoke that gave him comfort. Tom sat gloomy, nervous,
flicking his cigarette until he had destroyed it, lighting another. He
tore open his collar as if he needed air. He whistled the last half of a
tune, stopped, met David’s eyes and broke from the strain of their
mutual discovery by jumping up and gazing into the night. David did not
budge. The room was filled with a strange restraint. Somewhere a
struggle was, in which his mind grappled against a sinuous opponent. Why
did he have to struggle even with his friend for the friend he wanted?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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