Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
He was very mute and very timid, looking at his hands.
“And who are you to judge? What do you know of Doctor Westerling and of
yourself? Live, David--spread out like a tree. Then we shall all know
what you are.”
David got up.
“There!” She came up to him close. She took his head in her two hands.
“Are you convinced?” He shook his head and her hands moved with it....
Since her plan had been found and she knew that it was working, there
was peace in Cornelia. Her way with David was the way of a mother. She
knew how this birth and this life had rended her: what it had cost her
in blood and anguish. So is the mother peaceful, knowing this, with her
unknowing child.
She took her toll of him, like a mother also. She held his cheeks with
her hands and she drew him down and kissed him.
“And you see, don’t you, why you can’t stop so suddenly from going to
see her? What would she think? The offense and the pain--yes, David, the
pain, if you stayed away?”
He went back to Helen Daindrie. He went again and again. Cornelia had
settled and given him what he desired. There was reason no longer for
seeing Cornelia.
Spending his quiet evenings with Helen, he did not see the Doctor. He
forgot him, he was ashamed, as Cornelia had cleverly made him, of the
conceited presumption that he could help his cause by staying away. He
came, therefore, feeling nothing but peace: wanting the right to feel
no other thing. For in peace, he came to himself. And what he sought
above all else was this. Coming to Helen and sitting there beside her,
it was easier, somehow.
But it was easier most of all to look at Tom, and know he hated him, and
know that they must part....
* * * * *
They had gone on living together. The silence about them, holding them
in, was stiff and frozen.
David went no longer to Flora’s. He wandered about the City, seeing
nothing, until his legs ached, and then he went to bed. He found that he
needed more sleep than he had needed in years. There was a constant
weighing soreness in his body. His head was heavy. His thoughts pushed
through some clotted substance in his mind with a swerving pain. Often
his eyes ached: often his food did not agree with him. Yet he was
hungry. He needed great sleep, great food. After sleep, he was heavy,
after food he was often sick with heartburn. He was like a pregnant
woman. He went about loaded and diminished. His thoughts delineated no
true objective world. What came with any sharpness into the mist of his
mind, he hated. Thus Tom. What soothed his dwelling in these mists he
courted. Thus Helen Daindrie.
His sleep also was strange. It was dreamless. When he closed his eyes he
dropped, almost at once, into a profound close pit whose blackness held
him moveless. When he woke, it was some force, far down where he had
been, that had spewed him up: his brow aching and his body churned with
a great dizzy distance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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