A man--he had given his name to the people of the house as Antony Dart--
awakened in a third-story bedroom in a lodging-house in a poor street in
London, and as his consciousness returned to him, its slow and reluctant
movings confronted the second point of view--marked by enormous
differences. He had not slept two consecutive hours through the night,
and when he had slept he had been tormented by dreary dreams, which were
more full of misery because of their elusive vagueness, which kept his
tortured brain on a wearying strain of effort to reach some definite
understanding of them. Yet when he awakened the consciousness of being
again alive was an awful thing. If the dreams could have faded into
blankness and all have passed with the passing of the night, how he
could have thanked whatever gods there be! Only not to awake--only not
to awake! But he had awakened.
The clock struck nine as he did so, consequently he knew the hour. The
lodging-house slavey had aroused him by coming to light the fire. She
had set her candle on the hearth and done her work as stealthily as
possible, but he had been disturbed, though he had made a desperate
effort to struggle back into sleep. That was no use--no use. He was
awake and he was in the midst of it all again. Without the sense of
luxurious comfort he opened his eyes and turned upon his back, throwing
out his arms flatly, so that he lay as in the form of a cross, in heavy
weariness and anguish. For months he had awakened each morning after
such a night and had so lain like a crucified thing.
As he watched the painful flickering of the damp and smoking wood and
coal he remembered this and thought that there had been a lifetime of
such awakenings, not knowing that the morbidness of a fagged brain
blotted out the memory of more normal days and told him fantastic lies
which were but a hundredth part truth. He could see only the hundredth
part truth, and it assumed proportions so huge that he could see nothing
else. In such a state the human brain is an infernal machine and its
workings can only be conquered if the mortal thing which lives with it--
day and night, night and day--has learned to separate its controllable
from its seemingly uncontrollable atoms, and can silence its clamor on
its way to madness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account