Confirm him in the opinion he has so justly imbibed, by _swearing_ the _fish_ is not _warm_ through; the poultry is _old_, and ‘tough as your _Grandmother_’; the pastry is made with butter, _rank Irish_; the cheese, which they call _Stilton_, is nothing but _pale Suffolk_; the malt liquor _damnable_, a mere infusion of _malt_, _tobacco_, and _cocculus Indicus_; the port _musty_; the sherry _sour_; and the whole of the dinner and dessert were ‘infernally infamous,’ and, of course, not fit for the entertainment of a _Gentleman_; conclude the lecture with an oblique hint, that without _better_ accommodations, and more ready _attention_, you shall be under the necessity of leaving the house for a more _comfortable_ situation. This _spirited_ declaration at _starting_ will answer a variety of purposes, but none so essential as an _anticipated_ objection to the payment of _your bill_ whenever it may be presented. With no small degree of personal ostentation, give the waiter your name ‘because you have ordered your letters _there_, and, as they will be of importance, beg they may be taken care of, particularly those written in _a female hand_, of which description, many may be expected. “Having thus introduced you to, and fixed you, recruit-like, in _good quarters_, I consider it almost unnecessary to say, however _bad_ you may _imagine_ the wine, I doubt not your own _prudence_ will point out the characteristic necessity for drinking enough, not only to afford you the credit of reeling to bed by the aid of the banister, but the collateral comfort of calling yourself ‘damned queer’ in the morning, owing entirely to the villainous adulteration of the wine, for, when _mild_ and _genuine_, you can take off _three_ bottles ‘without winking or blinking.’ When rousing from your last somniferous reverie in the morning, ring the bell with no small degree of energy, which will serve to convince the whole family you are awake; upon the entrance of either _chamberlain_ or _chambermaid_, vociferate half a dozen questions in succession, without waiting for a single reply. As, What morning is it? does it hail, rain, or shine? Is it a frost? Is my breakfast ready? Has anybody enquired for me? Is my groom here? &c., &c. And here it becomes directly in point to observe, that a _groom_ is become so evidently necessary to the _ton_ of the present day (particularly in the neighbourhood of Bond Street) that a great number of _Gentlemen_ keep a _groom_, who cannot (except upon _credit_) keep a _horse_; but then, they are always upon ‘the look out for horses;’ and, till they are obtained, the employment of _the groom_ is the embellishment of _both ends_ of his master, by first dressing his head, and then polishing his boots and shoes.