In truth, a new passion had entered his heart: a greater bitterness
than he had yet known completely possessed him. Hitherto, while he had
resented the insults which had been heaped upon him by those who
sneered at the place of his birth and upbringing, he never seemed to
think of himself as hardly treated; now he pondered deeply over the
black shadow that lay upon his life. What had he done that he should
be treated so? Why should he be homeless and friendless while other
lads were situated so differently? What was the good of the minister
talking about a kind Providence and the love of God? He remembered the
previous Sunday evening sermon on the "Duty of forgiving one's
enemies." What did the preacher know about it? He called to mind the
look on his mother's face, the agony of her voice; he realised the
bitter years she had spent in silence and misery, and remembered who
was responsible for it all. Thus Paul became a kind of atheist. He
was not yet old enough to think deeply about it, but incipient unbelief
was in the boy's mind and heart. It darkened his thoughts and gave a
sombre hue to life. In any case he was not going to trouble about
religion. He remembered the vow he had made after he had left his
mother, and he determined that nothing should stop him from carrying
out his purposes.
As chance would have it, too, events seemed to shape his course
quickly. A few weeks after his journey to Altarnun Moors, a young
fellow who was commonly called Jacker, a kind of half-gipsy lad who
worked at the mines, and who was looked upon as the champion boxer in
that district, made a dead set on Paul. Jacker had often sought his
friendship, and Paul had as often repulsed his advances. Jacker's own
parentage lay under a cloud, and he felt angry that Paul, whom he
regarded as in a like predicament, should refuse to be friendly with
him. One evening, therefore, when Paul seemed less inclined than ever
to be sociable, Jacker determined to have it out with him. He was
passing through what is called the Church Town, when a number of
youths, among whom Jacker was conspicuous, asked him to go into the
public house. Paul refused. On being asked his reason for his
refusal, he replied that he was on his way to the night-school. A few
minutes later there was an uproar. Things were said about Paul's
parentage that roused the young fellow beyond the pitch of endurance.
"I have borne with you a long time," he said, "but, remember, if you
say that again you shall pay for it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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