Mayne followed her. She did not speak as they crossed the lawn. Her
crisp blue dress rustled softly over the grass. Glancing down at her,
he noticed her thin cheeks, the compression of her lips. She looked
ill--almost old. A tumult of thoughts and emotions filled his mind, as
he walked beside this woman from whom he had parted five years ago,
feeling that with her he had lost all that made life worth living;
its savour, its keenness, its delight. Five years had shown him that
in a man’s life, at least, risks, excitements, hard work, and some
hard fighting can so soften a woman’s image as to make it no longer
a thing of torture. On his first return to England, two years after
his departure, he had not seen Cecily. He could not trust himself to
meet her calmly, and he would not meet her otherwise. Ten days ago,
after a further absence of three years, he had accepted, with unfeigned
pleasure, her husband’s cordial invitation. Though he could think of
her now with equanimity as another man’s wife, nothing could alter
his affection for Cecily, and he had looked forward to seeing her,
undismayed by the prospect of witnessing domestic bliss.
To-day, as he walked in silence at her side, old emotions stirred. He
was glad of the safety-valve of anger. That Kingslake had met more than
once the woman they had just left with him, he had been pretty well
assured, even before he saw them together.
“Emotional fool,” indicated his summing-up of Robert’s attitude in
her presence. Did Cecily guess? Had she left them together in bitter
acquiescence? He glanced down at her again, but her quiet face baffled
him. One other question insistently pursued him. Had Kingslake’s
invitation to him been premeditated? Was it possible that---- A dark
flush rose to his face. Then, suddenly, as though recollecting herself,
Cecily began to talk. She talked recklessly, gayly, about anything,
about nothing. He did not listen; he was thinking of her as she had
appeared ever since he came to the house--desperately anxious to save
appearances--never once naturally, quietly happy as he had imagined
her, as he had come to be glad to think he would find her.
They went into the cottage and looked at the dog. All the time he
was feeling the chest and the limbs of the sick spaniel, Mayne was
determining to break down the barrier of convention which she had put
up between them. He would at least talk to her. She looked like a woman
drowning. He would not allow her to drown without a word. “Better; he’s
much better, poor little chap,” he said, getting up from his knees.
Cecily fondled and patted the silken head, which was eagerly stretched
out of the basket on her approach. The sound of her caressing voice
shook Mayne’s composure. He remembered the baby she had lost, and with
the memory came a flood of wild thoughts and wilder regrets. He moved
abruptly to the door, where, on escaping from the garrulous old woman
who owned the cottage, Cecily presently joined him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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