Cecily hesitated, then sighed rather wearily. “Oh, I don’t know. I
thought not--but--I don’t know. He’s made me despise him; he’s robbed
me of every illusion about him; I see him, and have long seen him--just
as he is. Now he has insulted me in a way that’s so ludicrously unjust
that I----” She laughed again. “That’s all one can do--laugh. And
yet----” She stopped.
“Yes?” said Rose again.
“Yet I feel bound to him,” declared Cecily, slowly. “Not in any sort
of legal way, of course, but just so that I can’t help myself. When he
looks tired, or worried, or disappointed--and he so often looks all of
them--my heart aches. I want to comfort him. It’s just as though he
were my child, you know, my silly, naughty little boy.” She smiled to
herself, quietly.
“Cis!” exclaimed Rose, involuntarily. “How you have grown up!”
“Grown up? I have grown old. Hundreds of years old.” The last words
were uttered as though to herself. For some time neither of them spoke.
“What are you going to do about Dick?” asked Rose at last.
Cecily turned her head in surprise. “Do about him?”
“People are talking, you know. I heard it last year when I was in town,
and, indirectly, once or twice since.”
“Are you thinking of Robert?” There was a note of contemptuous
amusement in her voice.
“Not at all. Of you.”
“Then don’t trouble, dear. People will continue to talk. But as long as
I don’t fizzle out, they’ll also continue to ask me to their parties.”
“And is there no danger--of anything else?” persisted Rose.
“Of my falling in love with Dick, you mean? Not the slightest.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind if he went off exploring again?”
Cecily started. “Yes, I should,” she returned, quickly. “I couldn’t
_bear_ it.”
“Why?”
“Why?” She looked at her friend in bewilderment. “Because of
everything. Because of---- Why, he’s made everything possible. My
book--all the people I’ve got to know. I was all to pieces when Dick
came home. He put me together again, and stood me on my two feet,
and----”
“And yet you are in no danger.”
Cecily looked at her a full moment without speaking, and it was Rose
who again broke the silence.
“My dear, when a woman relies on a man like that, when she can’t
picture life without him, there is always danger.”
“If you only knew,” began Cecily, leaning forward and speaking
impressively, “if you only knew how thankful I am to be _out_
of love. To have peace, to have freedom, to have found myself again.
It’s just what I said. It’s just as though I had stepped out of hell,
to find the blue sky over my head, and the grass underfoot, and the
flowers everywhere, all the dear, beautiful, natural things--that never
hurt one.”
“I know,” said Rose. “But that’s just a phase, Cis--a reaction. Don’t
think you’re done with love because you dread it. You’re young. You
have tremendous vitality. Look at yourself now in the glass, and think
what you were two years ago. You’re not the sort of woman for whom
things are very easily over.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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