As it was I said "Certainly," fetched the coffee, coughed, and observed that there was rather a crowd. She said "Yes" and turned away to somebody else. Two good cigars thrown away because of Beatrice! I was slowly recovering from my loss when Beatrice herself came up to say that she wanted to introduce me to a very nice girl called Jane something. In the ordinary way, very nice girls aren't called Jane anything, so here evidently was something exceptional. I buttoned my coat boldly, and followed her, unbuttoning it nervously on the way. "Here he is," she said, and left us. This is what they call introducing. "How do you do?" I started. "I've heard such a lot about you," began Jane brightly. I never know what to say to that. There must be a right answer, if only Lady Grove would tell us. As it was I said "Thank you." That felt wrong, so I added, "So have I." "About you," I explained hurriedly. To myself I said, "You know you're not really carrying this off well. It's idle to pretend that you are." "_What_ have you heard, I wonder?" beamed Jane. Only that her name was Jane something. "Ah!" I said. "Oh, you _must_ tell me!" "I mean, I've heard friends of yours mention your name." "Oh," she said disappointedly, "I thought you meant----" "But, of course, everybody has heard of Jane--h'r'r'm--of Miss--er, um--I think my sister-in-law--yes, thank you, we have a train to catch, oh, must you really go?--er--good-bye." I staggered away in pursuit of Beatrice. She dragged me up to an American girl, as I judged her. "Here he is," she said, and passed on. "So glad to make your acquaintance," said the American. There _is_ no answer to that, I know. I ignored it altogether, and said: "Have you seen the Budget?" "No. What's that?" "Oh, you must see that." "I will. We'll go to-morrow. Where is it?" I don't think Americans see as much of Addison Road as they ought to. I gave the usual guide-book directions for getting there, and was just beginning to be interested when I saw Beatrice's inquiring look. "Are you behaving nicely?" it said. I passed on hastily. I was very lonely for a while after that. Three times I got a plate of cucumber sandwiches safely into a corner, and three times a sisterly eye dragged us out again. After the third failure I saw that it was hopeless, so I wandered about and tried to decide which was the ugliest hat in the room. A man is the only possible judge in a competition of that sort. A woman lets herself be prejudiced by such facts as that it is so fashionable, or that she saw one just like it in Bond Street, my dear, at five guineas. I had narrowed the competitors down to five, two of which were, on form, certain for a place, when I turned round and saw, in a corner behind me-- (I don't know if you will believe me)-- A man with a plate of cucumber sandwiches! I rubbed my eyes in amazement. A man ... at an At Home ... sitting down and eating cucum---- Why, where was his sister-in-law?