"If you will give me two minutes, Simpson," I said, "I will liven up my own part better than that. What rhymes with rat-catcher?" "Cat-catcher." "Wait a bit.... Yes, that's got it. "'Oh, I'm on the Emperor's staff I'm a rodent-collector (don't laugh)-- My record (in braces) Of rats and their races Is a thousand and eight and a half.'" "May we have that again?" said Myra, appearing suddenly. "'Oh, I'm on----'" "No," said Thomas. "'Oh, I'm on----'" "No," said Simpson. "There is no real demand, I'm afraid." "Well, I did just hear it before," said Myra. "I wish you'd make up one for me. I think we might all announce ourselves like that, and then the audience will have no difficulty in recognising us." "They'll recognise Thomas if he comes on with an axe. They won't think he's just trotted round with the milk. But what are you, Myra?" "The Emperor's wife's maid." "Another member of the highly trained staff. Well, go on, Simpson." "'Oh, I am her Majesty's maid,'" declared Simpson. "We all begin with 'Oh,' to express surprise at finding ourselves on the stage at all. 'Oh, I am her Majesty's maid, I'm a sad little flirt, I'm afraid.'" "I'm respectable, steady and staid," corrected Myra. "No," I said; "I have it--" "'Oh, I am her Majesty's maid! And her charms are beginning to fade, I can sit in the sun And look _just_ twenty-one, While _she's_ thirty-six in the shade.'" Myra made a graceful curtsey. "Thank you, sir. You'll have to pay me a lot more of those before the play is over." "Will I really?" "Well, seeing as the Grand Hereditary One is supposed to be making up to her Majesty's confidential attendant----" Miss Fortescue came pushing up to us. "It is too ridiculous," she complained; "none of us know our parts yet, and if we have a rehearsal now--what do you think about it?" I looked at Myra and smiled to myself. "I'm all for a rehearsal at once," I said. CHAPTER III A REHEARSAL "Now this is a very simple trick," said Archie, from the centre of the stage. "For this little trick all I want is, a hippopotamus and a couple of rubies. I take the hippopotamus in one hand--so--and cover it with the handkerchief. Then, having carefully peeled the rubies----" Thomas put the last strip of silver paper on to his axe, and surveyed the result proudly. "But how splendid!" said Myra, as she hurried past. "Only you want some blood." And she jumped over the footlights and disappeared. "Good idea. Archie, where do you keep the blood?" "Hey, presto! it's gone. And now, sir, if you will feel in your waistcoat pockets you will find the hippopotamus in the right-hand side and the red ink in the left. No? Dear, dear, the hippopotamus must have been a bad one." "Be an artist, Thomas," I said, "and open a vein or two. Do the thing properly, Beerbohm. But soft, a winsome maid, in sooth; I will approach her. I always forget that sooth bit. But soft, a win----"