"My dear old chap, I couldn't do them; there wasn't enough to go round. I made two nice little eyebrows instead--you'll find them on your dressing-table. 'Oh, I am the Emperor Bong, I am beautiful, clever and strong. I am beauti----' Do you think I ought to wear my spectacles or not?" There was a loud shout of "No!" "Oh, all right. But I shall probably fall over the sunset or something. Thomas, if you see me wandering into a new moon, tap me on the head with your axe. Why isn't my rat-catcher dressed?" "He was waiting for his whiskers." "That's perfectly absurd. You could have grown a pair in the time. Go and dress at once." "I refuse to do anything till a quarter-past eight," I said. "If I get into my things now, all the atmosphere will have worn off by the time we begin." "It's worn off me a long time ago," said Thomas dismally. "And me," said Myra, with a shiver. "Well, we're all very miserable," said Archie; "let's have a bottle of something. What? Oh, hush! Simpson, just ring the bell, and I'll show you a little conjuring trick. There's nothing on the table at present, is there? No. Well, now, you watch." CHAPTER V THE NIGHT The play was a great success; I know, because many of the audience told me so afterwards. Had they but guessed what was going on behind the scenes, the congratulations would have been even more enthusiastic. For as near as a touch we had to drop the eggproof curtain and hand the money back. I am going to give you the opening scene as it was actually said--not as it was heard across the footlights--and then you will understand. As you may remember, the _Rat-catcher_ (Me) and the _Maid_ (Myra) take the stage first, and they introduce themselves in the usual way to the audience and each other. The scene is the palace of the _Emperor Bong_ (Simpson). Very well then. _Maid_ (_sweetly_). Truly his Majesty is a handsome man, and I wonder not that his people love him. _Rat-catcher_ (_rather nervous_). Thou surprisest me. I saw him in the wings--in the winter garden just now--that is to say, anon--and thought him plain. But hush, here he comes. (_They salaam, or whatever you call it, and stay there._) _Rat-catcher_ (_still salaaming_). What's the silly ass waiting for? I can't stick this much longer; the blood's all going to my head like anything. _Maid_ (_in a similar position_). He must have forgotten his cue. Can't you say, "Hush, here he comes" again? _Rat-catcher_. I can't say anything out loud in this position. Do you think I might come up for a breath? _Maid_ (_loudly_). His Majesty tarries. _Rat-catcher_ (_sotto voce_). He does. You've got it. _Maid_. Whatever shall we do? Do think of something. _Rat-catcher_. Well, I'm going to rise to the surface. I'm tired of being a submarine. (_They both stand up_.) _Maid_ (_brilliantly_). Perchance it was a rat we heard and not his Majesty.