English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English; Sports stories
They stood there together, Jack frowning earnestly at the needle, and
Simms swaying uncertainly at the knees. Suddenly his knees went in
altogether, and he made a little zig-zag dash across the room, as
though he were taking cover. Jack lumbered after him, instinctively
bending his head too. They were brought up by the piano, which Simms
struck with great force. We all laughed, and Jack apologised.
"You told me to let you go where you liked, you know," he said.
"Yes, yes," said Simms rather peevishly, "but you should have willed
me not to hit the piano."
As he spoke he tripped over a small stool, and, flinging out an arm
to save himself, swept two photograph frames off an occasional table.
"By Jove!" said Jack, "that's jolly good. I saw you were going to do
that, and I willed that the flower vase should be spared. I'm
getting on."
"I think you had better start from the door again," I suggested.
"Then you can get a clear run."
They took up their original positions.
"You must think hard, please," said Simms again. "My mind is a
perfect blank, and yet I can feel nothing coming."
Jack made terrible faces at the needle. Then, without warning, Simms
flopped on to the floor at full length, pulling Jack after him.
"You mustn't mind if I do that," he said, getting up slowly.
"No," said Jack, dusting himself.
"I felt irresistibly compelled to go down," said Simms.
"So did I," said Jack.
"The needle is very often hidden in the floor, you see. You are sure
you are looking at it?"
They were in a corner with their backs to it; and Jack, after trying
in vain to get it over his right shoulder or his left, bent down and
focussed it between his legs. This must have connected the current;
for Simms turned right round and marched up to the needle.
"There!" he said triumphantly, taking off the bandage.
We all clapped, while Jack poured himself out a whisky. Simms turned
to him.
"You have a very strong will indeed," he said, "one of the strongest
I have met. Now, would one of the ladies like to try?"
"Oh, I'm sure I couldn't," said all the ladies.
"I should like to do it again," said Simms modestly. "Perhaps you,
sir?"
"All right, I'll try," I said.
When Simms was outside I told them my idea.
"I'll hold the needle in my other hand," I said, "and then I can
always look at it easily, and it will always be in a different place,
which ought to muddle him."
We fetched him in, and he took my left hand....
"No, it's no good," he said at last, "I don't seem to get it. Let me
try the other hand...."
I had no time to warn him. He clasped the other hand firmly; and,
from the shriek that followed, it seemed that he got it. There
ensued the "perfect blank" that he had insisted on all the evening.
Then he pulled off the bandage, and showed a very angry face.
Well, we explained how accidental it was, and begged him to try
again. He refused rather sulkily.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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