The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
When I had arranged my dress, I went down stairs to the room which now
was the drawing-room, but which had been our dining-parlor in past days.
It was a large long room, spacious but not bright, with one great window
opening to the lawn, and a smaller one in the corner of the wall. When I
entered, he was walking about with an expectant look upon his face--he
started and made a step forward as if to advance to me as I came in, but
though I saw him perfectly, I did not look at him, and he stopped and
returned again. I went to the window to look out upon the lawn, and the
great walnut tree, which I could only see imperfectly from this
point--then I took a seat in silence. A painful interval followed. I sat
quite still, vacantly looking out. He paced about the room with unequal
steps--sometimes rapidly and with impatience. We were neither of us
doing anything--we were like two enemies watching each other, ready to
strike. I do not think that till that moment either of us realized what
a frightful thing it was to live together, confined within the same
walls, and with this feud between us.
"How are you pleased, Hester, with the new arrangements--the
furniture--the house?" he said, throwing down a book upon the table,
somewhat noisily, in his extreme agitation.
"I am quite pleased--it is all very well," I answered. I found it
difficult to command my own voice. I suddenly was seized with a wild
wonder, why we were placed here to torture each other. It might preserve
appearances, but we surely would have been better with the whole world
between us, than together as we were.
"When we were boy and girl we had a conversation here," he went on
rapidly, now coming up to me: "do you recollect it, Hester?"
"Yes," I said, "then I believed in you, and pointed to my father the
picture you resembled. My dear father! I thank God he does not see us
to-day."
"What picture did I resemble, Hester?" he asked, with a good deal of
emotion in his voice. I pointed to it with a quick gesture, I could not
trust myself to speak.
"You took my part," he said, "you had compassion for me. You bore me
witness that I was no deceiver; and, Hester, your face, your voice, your
generous, brave, girlish frankness, have made my heart warm since that
day."
I held up my hand in entreaty. I could not bear it.
"No, I will not persecute you," he said; "no, do not fear me. We will
gain nothing by discussions of the old question. I bid you welcome home
to your own house. I will say nothing else. I will now relieve you of my
presence, and I am sure you will thank me for that, at least."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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