I lay quite still, recovering myself till she returned. I felt that to command and compose myself sufficiently to be able for all I wanted to do, required all my powers. Exerting all the resolution I had, I lay upon the couch, refusing to think, resting with a determined purpose and resolution to rest, such as seemed very strange when I thought of it afterwards--but I thought to do it then--slowly my eyes cleared, the beating of my heart subsided. I cannot tell what crisis I might have come to, had I given way to the dreadful agitation which had possession of me for a time; but as I lay here, silently looking round upon the familiar room, I felt both mind and body obeying me, and rejoiced to find that I was mistress of myself, as I had not been for many a day. When Alice returned, I rose. I foresaw Alice's remonstrances, her tears and entreaties, and I had intentionally left very little room for them by ordering the carriage so soon. When she came in, I sat up, refreshed and strong. I could not try to "prepare" her for it, I said abruptly, "Alice, I am going away." "Where, Miss Hester?" said Alice. "I cannot tell where," I said; "all that I know is, that I must go away from Cottiswoode. Alice, come near me--I will not constrain you. I will not be offended if you stay; but you must tell me at once what you will do, for I have very little time." Alice looked with great and pathetic earnestness in my face, but she did not cry or entreat me against it, as I feared she would do. "Has it come to this?--are you sure it has come to this?" she asked, anxiously clasping her hands and gazing at me. "Oh! Miss Hester, consider what it is--consider how you are--and tell me solemnly has it come to this?" "Yes, Alice," I said, "we cannot remain any longer under the same roof--it would kill us both. He says he is wretched, and that I have deceived him. I did not try to deceive him. I did not wish to make him wretched, Alice!" I cried with a sob which I could not restrain, "but now I must go away." "Oh! Miss Hester, see him once more first," pleaded Alice. I suppose she had been struck with sudden hope from my tone. "No," I said, "it is all over. I am very glad it is all over. Put the things together, Alice--they are all in that drawer, and take what I will need--nothing more than what I will need, and what you require yourself, and we will go away together. We have no one now but each other, Alice. You will go with me. You will not desert me. I have not a friend but you." "God help us! and clear all this trouble away in His own time!" said Alice solemnly, "but it will be a strange day when I desert you, my darling. Brighter times will come for you, dear--happiness will come yet, Miss Hester: but come joy or sorrow, I will never leave you, till God takes me away."