He could not trust himself to speak, but went away from me again, and rapidly returned once more. "Grant it so," he said, with a quick and breathless voice, "if I have deceived you, I have been myself deceived--we are on equal terms." I could not understand what he meant--when it dawned upon me, I rose slowly, and we stood, confronting each other, looking into each other's eyes. "Have I deceived you?" I asked--it cost me an effort to preserve my calmness, but I did it. "Yes," he said vehemently, "you were a sweet and tender woman when you left your father's house. I thought you one of those whose very presence makes a home--your high spirit, your rapid mind, only gave a noble charm to your generous loving heart--I thought so, Hester--I delighted in believing it. I thought the key of my joy in this world was given to me when they put your hand in mine. Look at me now--I am bankrupt, shipwrecked--from the first hour I brought you home, happiness was ended for me. This house is wretched--the very sunshine and daylight that God has made are no longer blessings to me. My life is a burden. My duties are intolerable. My hopes have departed one by one. I tell you that more bitterly, more grievously than you have been deceived, have you deceived me." I was stung and wounded to the heart. A dreadful passion took possession of me. I could have killed myself as I stood, that he might have seen me do it, and repented when it was too late. Even then, when these bitter words were said, I believe he repented. "Why did you seek me then?" I cried passionately. "Why did you come out of your way to make us both so wretched? I am not a sweet or a tender woman. I never was so. I never pretended to be. Why did you not seek Flora Ennerdale? She was fit for you. She might have made you happy. Why did you not leave me in my solitude? I never came to seek _you_." "You insult me," he said, turning away with renewed anger. I think he said something else. I did not hear it. I made no answer. I sat down to wait till he was gone. I cannot even tell how long it was till he went away, but when he did, I rose, and, guiding myself by my hands, went slowly up-stairs. I know my step was quite firm, but I held by the banisters and took pains to guide myself, for there was a darkness over my eyes, and I could not see plainly where I went. It seemed a long time before I could reach my own room, and when I entered it, Alice started, and came towards me with an exclamation of fright. This restored me a little to myself. I said I was faint--told her to bring me some wine, and lay down upon the couch till she returned. "Are you ill, my darling?" said Alice, bending over me with a pale face, as she gave me the wine. "No, no!" I said, "only faint--I must not be ill, for we have a good deal to do. I should like to take a drive--will you order the carriage to be ready in an hour, and then, Alice, come back to me."