The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
My heart sank, my courage gradually ebbed away from me; but baby began
to stir and murmur, he was not content to sit so quietly; and I was
obliged to rise and walk about with him, though my limbs trembled under
me. Then, indeed, could it be in recollection of me? I saw a little
table placed as mine had used to be in the little windowed recess where
I had spent so much of my time when I was a girl, and on it a little
vase with roses, those sweet pale roses from my favorite tree. I
remembered in a moment how this room had looked on the autumn night when
Edgar Southcote first came to Cottiswoode. Could this be in remembrance
of that, and of me?
I cannot tell how long I walked about with baby, acquiring some degree
of composure amid my agitation, as my trial was delayed, though I was
faint, exhausted, and weary in frame more than I could have fancied
possible. I heard the chaise rumble heavily away, and the noise of
carrying our luggage up-stairs. I thought I could detect a whispering
sound in the next room, as if Alice was being questioned; and in the
large lofty house, with its wide staircases and passages, so different
from the little refuge we had been lately accustomed to, the opening and
closing of distant doors, and steps coming and going, echoed upon my
heart. Once Alice entered to beg that she might have baby, while behind
came the housekeeper entreating, with tears in her eyes, that I would
take something. It cost me a great effort to ask them to leave me, for
my lips were parched and dry, and I scarcely could speak; and they had
given me a great shock, little as they intended, for I thought it was my
husband when I heard some one at the door.
So thus I continued walking about the room, doing what I could to amuse
baby. I had neither removed my bonnet nor relieved him of his
out-of-doors dress, but it almost seemed as though my sweet little
darling knew that to cry would aggravate my distress--how good he was!
springing and crowing in my arms, encumbered as he was.
At last I saw a shadow cross the window--my heart fluttered, bounded,
was still, as I thought, for a moment--and then my husband was in the
room.
I could not speak at first, my lips were so dry. I came to a sudden
standstill in the middle of the room, gazing blankly at him, and holding
up the child. I saw nothing but astonishment in his face at my first
glance; he came rapidly towards me, crying, "Hester! Hester!" but that
was all--he never bade me welcome home.
"I have been very wrong," I said, at last; "I have done you great
injustice. I have prided myself on doing right, and yet I have been
wrong in everything. I have come back to you to humble myself--he
belongs to you as much as to me--he is your son, and I have been unjust
and cruel in keeping him away from you; will you let me stay here, that
we may both have our boy?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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