The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
When I began to speak of wrong and of injustice, he turned away with an
impatient gesture and exclamation, but, by this time, had returned and
was standing by me, listening, with his head bent, his eyes cast down,
and a smile of some bitterness upon his mouth. When I stopped, he looked
up at me--strange!--he looked at me--not at my baby--not at his child!
"You have come to do me justice," he said.
What did he mean? the tone was new to me, I did not comprehend. I said,
"Yes," humbly. I was overpowered with exhaustion, and could scarcely
stand, but I suppose he thought me quite composed.
"This house is yours, Hester," he said, with some emphasis: "it is
unjust, since that is to be the word, to ask me such a question. You
have come to do me justice, to restore to me some of my rights. I thank
you, Hester--though I warned you once that I should not be satisfied,
with justice," he continued hurriedly, once more turning away from me,
and making a few rapid strides through the room.
I should have been so relieved if I durst have cried; I was so worn
out--so much weakened by fatigue and excitement; but I only stood still
in my passive mechanical way, able to do no more than to hold baby fast
lest he should leap out of my arms.
In a minute after he came back again and stood by me, but not looking at
me, leaning his hand on the table, as if he were preparing to say
something; for myself, I was exhausted beyond the power of making
speeches, or reasoning or explaining, or carrying on any sort of
warfare; I was reduced to the barest simplicity; I put out my hand and
touched his arm; "Will you not take him?" I said, holding out baby;
"Edgar, he is your son."
He glanced at me a moment with the strangest mingling of emotions in his
face. After that glance I no longer thought him cold and calm; but then
he suddenly snatched baby from me, and kissed and caressed him till I
feared he would frighten the child; but he was not frightened, though he
was only an infant, my bold, beautiful boy! For myself, I sank into the
nearest chair, and let my tired arms fall by my side. I almost felt as
if I had not strength enough to rise again, and a dull disappointment
was in my heart; was it only to be justice after all? Oh, if he would
but come back to me; if he would but forget his dignity, and my right
and wrong, and make one more appeal to my true self, to my heart, which
yearned for something more than justice! But he did not; oh, and I knew
in my heart he was very right; it was I who ought to be thoroughly
humbled, it was I who ought to appeal to him; but I was different in my
notions now; instinctively I looked for pity, pity, nothing better; and
almost hoped that he would remember I was weak and fatigued, a woman,
and the mother of his child.
By and by he returned, carrying baby fondly in his arms, his face
flushed with undoubted delight and joy. As he drew nearer to me he
became graver, and asked me suddenly, "Why did you call me Edgar,
Hester?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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