I lifted my hands in entreaty--I could not bear to hear him speaking thus. "It is true," he said quietly, "and you perceive it does not disturb me--this is what you must make up your mind to, Hester. It will be a trial for you--but not a long and tedious one--and you must hold yourself prepared for it as I do." "But father--father! you are not ill. You are not so ill--I cannot believe it," I cried, scarcely knowing what I said. "It will prove itself by and by," he answered calmly, and returned to his book as if we had been speaking of some indifferent matter. I could not think of it so coolly--I cried: "Papa, listen to me, I will do anything, everything you want--do you hear me, papa?" He looked up at me for a moment--was it suspicion? he certainly seemed to have forgotten that he had ever asked anything of me which I had refused. "I require nothing, Hester," he said, "nothing, my love, and I perfectly believe in your willingness to serve me. Lay down the book, it is not for you, and go out and refresh yourself. I am pleased that you know what may come, but I shall not be pleased if you brood upon it. Now leave me, Hester, but come again when you will, and I will never exclude you. Pshaw, child! it is the common lot. What do you tremble for? what is it you want to do?" "Is there nothing you wish, papa--nothing I could do to please you?" I said, under my breath. I could not allude more plainly to the former question between us. "It is time enough to ask such questions," he said, with a momentary jealousy of my intention, "I am not dying yet." He did not understand me--he had forgotten! I hurried out grieved, overwhelmed, yet in spite of myself relieved on this one point. I thought myself the meanest wretch in the world, to be able to derive satisfaction from it at such a moment. Yet I was so! I felt a thrill of delight that I was free, in the midst of my terrors and dismay at the doom which hung over our house. I tried to conceal it from myself, but I could not. I was free to mourn for my dear father for ever, and admit no human consolation. I was not bound under a promise to commit myself to somebody's hands to be taken care of. I was afflicted, but at liberty.