The Death of the Gods: (Christ and Antichrist, 1 of 3)Merezhkovsky, Dmitry Sergeyevich
History
The Death of the Gods: (Christ and Antichrist, 1 of 3)
Merezhkovsky, Dmitry Sergeyevich
Biographical fiction; Julian, Emperor of Rome, 331-363 -- Fiction; Rome -- History -- Julian, 361-363 -- Fiction
Julian did not recover consciousness. His breathing grew weaker; he
was thought to be breathing his last. But later his eyes opened,
little by little; his look was fixed steadily on a corner of the tent.
A rapid whisper broke from his lips: he was in delirium.
"Thou, here, why?... what matters it? All is over. Canst Thou not see
that?... Go. Thou hatedst laughter.... And so we can never forgive
Thee...."
Then, regaining his faculties, he asked of Oribazius--
"What hour is it? Shall I see the sun?"
And he added dreamily--
"Oribazius, can it be possible that reason should be really so
powerless? I believe it is a weakness of the body ... blood fills the
brain, creating phantoms.... One must conquer ... reason must...."
His ideas anew became confused, and his gaze resumed its fixity--
"I will not! Do you hear?... Go, Tempter! I do not believe! Socrates
died like a god. Reason ... Victor, ah, Victor!... what do you want
from me? Thou, the unappeasable, the implacable? Thy love is more
terrible than death.... Thy burden is the heaviest of all.... Why dost
thou look at me so? How much I have loved thee, Good Shepherd! ...
Only Thou? No, no! The pierced feet, blood? ... The death of Hellas
... darkness?... I want sunlight, the golden sun ... on the Parthenon
marble!... Wouldst thou veil the sun?..."
It was one o'clock in the morning. The legions had returned to camp,
with no exultation over their victory. In spite of fatigue, scarcely
any slept, all waiting for news from the Imperial tent. Many stood
sleeping, leaning on their lances round the half-extinguished
camp-fires; and the breathing of picketed horses could be heard,
munching captured forage of corn.
Between the dark rows of tents, faint white lines showed on the
horizon. Stars became yet more chilly and pale. The mists kept
spreading, and the steel of lances and shields was clouded with dew.
Here and there crew a cock, belonging to the Tuscan soothsayers. A
calm sadness hovered over heaven and earth. The scene was illusive as
a mirror; the near seemed far off and the distant came near.
At the entrance to Julian's tent stood a throng of generals, friends,
and familiar companions, all looking like phantoms in the misty
twilight. Still deeper silence reigned within the tent. Oribazius, the
physician, was pounding simples in a mortar to make a refreshing
drink. The sick man lay calm, and the delirium had left him. At dawn,
collecting himself, he asked impatiently--
"When will the sun rise?"
"In an hour," answered Oribazius glancing at the clepsydra.
"Call the generals," ordered Julian. "I must speak...."
"Well-beloved Cæsar, it may be hurtful...."
"What matter! I shall not die before the sun rises. Victor, raise my
head."
He was told about the victory over the Persians, the flight of the
enemy's cavalry, and of the two sons of Sapor the king; of the death
of fifty satraps. Julian showed neither astonishment nor gladness. He
remained indifferent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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