I wondered if this were an imperfect recollection or only a perfect fib,
and she quite understood my unuttered comment on her measure of such
things. But if she could forget Neil Paraday’s beauties she could of
course forget my rudeness, and three days later she invited me, by
telegraph, to join the party at Prestidge. This time she might indeed
have had a story about what I had given up to be near the master. I
addressed from that fine residence several communications to a young lady
in London, a young lady whom, I confess, I quitted with reluctance and
whom the reminder of what she herself could give up was required to make
me quit at all. It adds to the gratitude I owe her on other grounds that
she kindly allows me to transcribe from my letters a few of the passages
in which that hateful sojourn is candidly commemorated.
CHAPTER IX.
“I suppose I ought to enjoy the joke of what’s going on here,” I wrote,
“but somehow it doesn’t amuse me. Pessimism on the contrary possesses me
and cynicism deeply engages. I positively feel my own flesh sore from
the brass nails in Neil Paraday’s social harness. The house is full of
people who like him, as they mention, awfully, and with whom his talent
for talking nonsense has prodigious success. I delight in his nonsense
myself; why is it therefore that I grudge these happy folk their artless
satisfaction? Mystery of the human heart—abyss of the critical spirit!
Mrs. Wimbush thinks she can answer that question, and as my want of
gaiety has at last worn out her patience she has given me a glimpse of
her shrewd guess. I’m made restless by the selfishness of the insincere
friend—I want to monopolise Paraday in order that he may push me on. To
be intimate with him is a feather in my cap; it gives me an importance
that I couldn’t naturally pretend to, and I seek to deprive him of social
refreshment because I fear that meeting more disinterested people may
enlighten him as to my real motive. All the disinterested people here
are his particular admirers and have been carefully selected as such.
There’s supposed to be a copy of his last book in the house, and in the
hall I come upon ladies, in attitudes, bending gracefully over the first
volume. I discreetly avert my eyes, and when I next look round the
precarious joy has been superseded by the book of life. There’s a
sociable circle or a confidential couple, and the relinquished volume
lies open on its face and as dropped under extreme coercion. Somebody
else presently finds it and transfers it, with its air of momentary
desolation, to another piece of furniture. Every one’s asking every one
about it all day, and every one’s telling every one where they put it
last. I’m sure it’s rather smudgy about the twentieth page. I’ve a
strong impression, too, that the second volume is lost—has been packed in
the bag of some departing guest; and yet everybody has the impression
that somebody else has read to the end. You see therefore that the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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