"I was afraid I'd have to leave before you came," Gard explained. "I've
had a rapid day. Decided at one o'clock to enlist; enlisted at two; told
the rector at three I wouldn't play his old organ a day longer; drew
this outfit at four. It's five now. But the rector was game. He said if
he was twenty years younger he wouldn't preach in his old pulpit any
more. May I come in half an hour, Mrs. Mavering?"
Thaddeus settled his glasses. "Young man. I should have said you were
too wise for a warrior. Are you aware that cold lead, taken suddenly in
any quantity, is injurious to the system?"
"What system?"
"The physical system of the--a--person taking it."
"Is it?" said Gard. "But it might be a mental tonic."
They all went in except Thaddeus, who walked down the street, scenting
the air with delicate nostril.
"I don't--that one--I don't seem to make him out."
"You see, Mrs. Mavering," said Gard, "there are only a few people I want
to tell about anything I do--you and Helen, and Fritz Moselle, and some
of the brothers. Now, Fritz Moselle will say, 'Vat for a fool of a
musician! Aber, you nefer get so fat as me if you don' be contented.'
Brother Francis will quote the Anabasis, and Andrew will give it up, and
the Superior act like the Apocalypse. Now, what do you say?"
"I don't know. Every one else is thinking about one thing now. I should
have said you would think about something different."
Gard kindled with the eagerness peculiar to him when on the track of an
idea, or trying to state one that was clear to him but seemed to
struggle against statement--a kind of tension and nervous thrill, like
that of a hunting dog when the trail is hot.
"But going with the crowd is all right if it's going the way you want to
go. And the more undistinguished from the mass you appear to be, the
more you can keep a unit to yourself. I shouldn't like to be an officer,
for then I'd be responsible for other men. But a private marches where
he's ordered, and shoots according to prescription. So he can watch the
big phenomenon all around him and feel it racing through his blood.
Can't he? I can feel it already. Can't you? Of course. But I want to
look it in the face. If a man had a chance to be a crusader in his time
he'd be foolish to miss it. He'd miss the flavor of his time. I'd sooner
decline the acquaintance of a Shakespeare."
He looked at Helen eagerly. She stood among the potted plants in the bay
window, looking out. He had thought she would seem more interested. She
must be interested. Any one who had seen her eyes light up suddenly and
often would know that. He wondered what clue to some unexpected
significance she was following now, that she seemed absent-minded among
the potted plants. Every one had his or her personal solitary adventure.
Helen, of course, had hers. One had to remember that.
"I play to-night the last time. Will you be under the gallery?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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