I had known Evie Soames for close on five years; and though I had loved
her ever since the days when, with her skirt neither short nor long, and
her hair neither loose nor yet properly revealing the shape of her
slender and birch-like nape, she and I had attended the same Business
College in Holborn, it had been only during the last six months that we
had become engaged. On either of our parts a former engagement had ended
abruptly; and this, for her sake at least, was the reason why I would
gladly have had her anywhere but at Guildford that Sunday morning.
For it had been to the late Mrs Merridew's son that she had been
engaged, and the affair had terminated with tragical suddenness indeed.
You cannot but call it tragical when a young man is discovered, on his
wedding morning, hanging by the neck from a hook in his bedroom door,
with a letter in his pocket that only partly sets forth his reason for
taking his life, leaving the rest for the medical evidence to
determine--and then to be kept for very pity from his womenfolk. Yet
this had happened four years before; and it was because I dreaded to
revive the memory of it, and especially to revive the memories of those
subsequent days when Evie must have tormented herself with vain and
fruitless guessings at what a coroner and a jury-panel and a doctor in
Store Street had smothered up among themselves, that I walked brooding
and with downhung head.
And about women generally I had better confess myself at once as, past
praying for, a Philistine. I subscribe to nothing whatever that this New
Man so strangely risen in our midst nowadays appears to hold about the
ancient and changeless feminine. And I take it that most men not
profligates or fools will understand me when I say that I think there
are some things that it is worse than useless that women should know,
and that this sordid four-year-old business was one of them. To those
born to knowledge, knowledge will come; the others will never know, no
matter what the facts of their experience may be. Oh, I had seen these
weak and vainglorious vessels go to Life's Niagara before, thinking to
fill themselves at it--and had seen the flinders into which they had
been dashed. Therefore I had deliberately resolved to stand between Evie
Soames and many things. I ever thought of her as a flower, a flower of
dewy flesh, joining its fragrance to that of the morning of her mind;
and though I knew that that too lovely stage must quickly pass, perhaps
into something better, I could never think of that passing unmoved. I
was prepared to fight for a last--and perhaps impossible--protection of
it. There was much knowledge that I would take on myself for the pair of
us; a few more of life's weals and scars would make no difference to
me.... And if you tell me that this was merely a foredoomed attempt to
keep from her the knowledge of the world into which she had been born,
very well: I accept the responsibility of that. At any rate, she might
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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