Though my pleasure in religion was great, my grief from Satanical suggestions and a depraved nature was also so. I was strongly tempted to despair and suicide; but He who keepeth Israel preserved me amidst these storms. Religion did no sooner operate on my mind, than I hated the ways of sin, and the company of the profane; and sought, according to my then knowledge, the company of the wise and good. Though my pleasure was particularly in devotional exercises, and in such company; yet I spent a great part of my time, in boyish pursuits and pleasures, with my school-companions; but in these, my devotional frame of mind never left me,--and how soon I came home, I retired by myself, and wept over my vanity of conduct. Even in school, the thought of my crucifying the Lord of Glory by sin, often bathed my eyes in tears, and impelled me to pray with my head leaning on a table.--The sense of his love and the injury done him, produced in me a zeal for the salvation of others--to such a degree, that I established the worship of God in some families I lodged with, who never had it before.--I was often surprised to see the same effects not produced on the minds of others in reading the scriptures, _&c._ as on myself--But this arose from my ignorance of the sovereignty of God. As I advanced in knowledge, my high enjoyments were the less frequent; and the instability of my mind in exercises of devotion became more and more perceptible. These soul exercises, less or more, have continued with me amidst grievous provocations, and sore backslidings. I shall now proceed to state the cause of my backslidings, so far as I can trace them. A reserved disposition, founded on pride, seems to have been my constitutional sin--In my earliest youth it discovered itself, by taking pleasure in vexing my guardians when they crossed my inclination. I was so much under the influence of this base passion, that more than once I gave them the greatest alarm and vexation of mind, by concealing myself, and previously saying that I would put an end to my life by personal violence; and enduring sore personal chastisement without disclosing any secret intrusted to me. Sometime after I knew the grace of God, this passion disappeared; yet it was not destroyed--but manifested itself in opposition to the inclination of my friends to send me abroad. My friends proposed to send me either to the East or West Indies, but refusing to comply on the ground of a weak constitution; but the true motive with myself was a fear of not enjoying the means of Grace--After which they proposed to send me to London; but not executing this proposal in the time I wished (though their delay undoubtedly proceeded from the best of motives), I resolved to act independently of them. Accordingly, I came to Edinburgh in the year 1786, where I remained for a considerable time without their knowledge, and got into business without their assistance.--So far was my vanity gratified.