The Definite Object: A Romance of New YorkFarnol, Jeffery
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The Definite Object: A Romance of New York
Farnol, Jeffery
New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
"Well, Guy won't do--no siree--ye see every mutt's a guy down our
way--so I guess we'll make it Geoff. But, say, if you ain't weak on the
think-machinery, why d' ye keep a guy like His Whiskers hanging around?"
"Because he has become a habit, Spike--and habits cling--and speaking of
habits--here it is!" Sure enough, at that moment Brimberly's knuckles
made themselves discreetly heard, and Brimberly himself appeared with
divers garments across his arm, at sight of which Spike stood
immediately dumb in staring, awe-struck wonder.
"Ah, you've got them, Brimberly?"
"Yessir! These is the best I can do, sir--"
"Say rather--the worst!"
"'Ere's a nice, big 'ole in the coat, sir," said Mr. Brimberly,
unfolding the garment in question, "and the weskit, sir; the pocket
is tore, you'll notice, sir."
"Excellent, Brimberly!"
"As for these trousis, sir--"
"They seem rather superior garments, I'm afraid!" said Mr. Ravenslee,
shaking his head.
"But you'll notice as they're very much wore round the 'eels, sir."
"They'll do. Now the hat and muffler."
"All 'ere, sir--the 'at's got its brim broke, sir."
"Couldn't be better, Brimberly!" So saying, Mr. Ravenslee took up the
clothes and turned toward the door. "Now I'll trouble you to keep an eye
on--er--young America here while I get into these."
"Sir," said Mr. Brimberly, turning his whiskers full upon Spike, who
immediately fell to shuffling and wringing at his cap. "Sir--I will,
certingly, sir."
Now when the door had shut after his master, Mr. Brimberly raised eyes
and hands to the ceiling and shook his head until his whiskers quivered.
Quoth he: "Hall I arsks is--wot next!" Thereafter he lowered his eyes
and regarded Spike as if he had been that basest of base minions--a boy
in buttons. At last he deigned speech.
"And w'en did _you_ come in, pray?"
"'Bout a hour ago, sir," answered Spike, dropping his cap in his
embarrassment.
"Ah!" nodded Mr. Brimberly, "about a hour ago--ho! By appointment, I
pre-zoom?"
"No, sir--by a winder."
"A--wot?"
"A winder, sir."
"A--winder? 'Eavens and earth--a winder--ow? Where? Wot for?"
"Say, mister," said Spike, breaking in upon Mr. Brimberly's astounded
questioning, "is he nutty?" And he jerked his thumb toward the door
through which Mr. Ravenslee had gone.
"Nutty!" said Mr. Brimberly, staring.
"Yes--I mean is he batty? Has he got wheels?"
"W'eels?" said Mr. Brimberly, his eyes rounder than usual.
"Well, then, is he daffy?--off his trolley?"
"Off 'is wot?" said Mr. Brimberly, fumbling for his whisker.
"Holy Gee!" exclaimed Spike, "can't you understand English? Say, is your
brother as smart as you?"
"The honly brother as ever I 'ad was a infant as died and--but wot was
you saying about a winder?"
"Nothin'!"
"Come, speak up, you young vagabone--" began Mr. Brimberly, his whiskers
suddenly fierce and threatening, but just then, fortunately for Spike,
the door swung, open, and Mr. Ravenslee entered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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