French fiction -- Translations into English; Historical fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
The Vicomtesse was silent. Gaston reddened, he thought that he had
offended her; but she was not angry. The first deep thrill of delight
since the day of her calamity had taken her by surprise. The skill of
the cleverest _roue_ could not have made the impression that M. de Nueil
made with that cry from the heart. That verdict wrung from a young man’s
candor gave her back innocence in her own eyes, condemned the world,
laid the blame upon the lover who had left her, and justified her
subsequent solitary drooping life. The world’s absolution, the heartfelt
sympathy, the social esteem so longed for, and so harshly refused, nay,
all her secret desires were given her to the full in that exclamation,
made fairer yet by the heart’s sweetest flatteries and the admiration
that women always relish eagerly. He understood her, understood all, and
he had given her, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, the
opportunity of rising higher through her fall. She looked at the clock.
“Ah! madame, do not punish me for my heedlessness. If you grant me but
one evening, vouchsafe not to shorten it.”
She smiled at the pretty speech.
“Well, as we must never meet again,” she said, “what signifies a moment
more or less? If you were to care for me, it would be a pity.”
“It is too late now,” he said.
“Do not tell me that,” she answered gravely. “Under any other
circumstances I should be very glad to see you. I will speak frankly,
and you will understand how it is that I do not choose to see you again,
and ought not to do so. You have too much magnanimity not to feel that
if I were so much as suspected of a second trespass, every one would
think of me as a contemptible and vulgar woman; I should be like other
women. A pure and blameless life will bring my character into relief.
I am too proud not to endeavor to live like one apart in the world, a
victim of the law through my marriage, man’s victim through my love. If
I were not faithful to the position which I have taken up, then I should
deserve all the reproach that is heaped upon me; I should be lowered in
my own eyes. I had not enough lofty social virtue to remain with a man
whom I did not love. I have snapped the bonds of marriage in spite of
the law; it was wrong, it was a crime, it was anything you like, but
for me the bonds meant death. I meant to live. Perhaps if I had been
a mother I could have endured the torture of a forced marriage of
suitability. At eighteen we scarcely know what is done with us, poor
girls that we are! I have broken the laws of the world, and the world
has punished me; we both did rightly. I sought happiness. Is it not a
law of our nature to seek for happiness? I was young, I was beautiful...
I thought that I had found a nature as loving, as apparently passionate.
I was loved indeed; for a little while...”
She paused.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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