Hail noble fruit!--by Homer sung, Anacreon and Khayyam; Thy praise is ever on the tongue Of better men than I am. The lyre in my hand has never swept, The song I cannot offer: My humbler service pray accept-- I'll help to kill the scoffer. The water-drinkers and the cranks Who load their skins with liquor-- I'll gladly bear their belly-tanks And tap them with my sticker. Fill up, fill up, for wisdom cools When e'er we let the wine rest. Here's death to Prohibition's fools, And every kind of vine-pest! Jamrach Holobom GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism. GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student. Beside a lonely grave I stood-- With brambles 'twas encumbered; The winds were moaning in the wood, Unheard by him who slumbered, A rustic standing near, I said: "He cannot hear it blowing!" "'Course not," said he: "the feller's dead-- He can't hear nowt that's going." "Too true," I said; "alas, too true-- No sound his sense can quicken!" "Well, mister, wot is that to you?-- The deadster ain't a-kickin'." I knelt and prayed: "O Father, smile On him, and mercy show him!" That countryman looked on the while, And said: "Ye didn't know him." Pobeter Dunko GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-- the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A. GREAT, adj. "I'm great," the Lion said--"I reign The monarch of the wood and plain!" The Elephant replied: "I'm great-- No quadruped can match my weight!" "I'm great--no animal has half So long a neck!" said the Giraffe. "I'm great," the Kangaroo said--"see My femoral muscularity!" The 'Possum said: "I'm great--behold, My tail is lithe and bald and cold!" An Oyster fried was understood To say: "I'm great because I'm good!" Each reckons greatness to consist In that in which he heads the list, And Vierick thinks he tops his class Because he is the greatest ass. Arion Spurl Doke GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.