APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up-- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. Jodo Rem ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record. ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts--guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost. ARREST, v.t. Formally to detain one accused of unusualness. God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. _The Unauthorized Version_ ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. "Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get," Consenting, he did speak up; "'Tis better you should eat it, pet, Than put it in my teacup." Joel Huck ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J. One day a wag--what would the wretch be at?-- Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! Straight arose Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows, And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns, And disputations dire that lamed their limbs) To serve his temple and maintain the fires, Expound the law, manipulate the wires. Amazed, the populace that rites attend, Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend, And, inly edified to learn that two Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do) Have sweeter values and a grace more fit Than Nature's hairs that never have been split, Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts, And sell their garments to support the priests. ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young. ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.