How long this worship of my strange divinity went on thus I scarcely
know. I lost all note of time. All day from early dawn, and far into
the night, I was to be found peering through that wonderful lens. I saw
no one, went nowhere, and scarce allowed myself sufficient time for my
meals. My whole life was absorbed in contemplation as rapt as that of
any of the Romish saints. Every hour that I gazed upon the divine form
strengthened my passion--a passion that was always overshadowed by the
maddening conviction, that, although I could gaze on her at will, she
never, never could behold me!
At length, I grew so pale and emaciated, from want of rest and
continual brooding over my insane love and its cruel conditions, that
I determined to make some effort to wean myself from it. "Come," I
said, "this is at best but a fantasy. Your imagination has bestowed on
Animula charms which in reality she does not possess. Seclusion from
female society has produced this morbid condition of mind. Compare her
with the beautiful women of your own world, and this false enchantment
will vanish."
I looked over the newspapers by chance. There I beheld the
advertisement of a celebrated _danseuse_ who appeared nightly at
Niblo's. The Signorina Caradolce had the reputation of being the most
beautiful as well as the most graceful woman in the world. I instantly
dressed and went to the theater.
The curtain drew up. The usual semicircle of fairies in white muslin
were standing on the right toe around the enameled flower-bank, of
green canvas, on which the belated prince was sleeping. Suddenly a
flute is heard. The fairies start. The trees open, the fairies all
stand on the left toe, and the queen enters. It was the Signorina. She
bounded forward amid thunders of applause, and, lighting on one foot,
remained poised in air! Heavens! was this the great enchantress that
had drawn monarchs at her chariot-wheels? Those heavy muscular limbs,
those thick ankles, those cavernous eyes, that stereotyped smile, those
crudely painted cheeks! Where were the vermeil blooms, the liquid
expressive eyes, the harmonious limbs of Animula?
The Signorina danced. What gross, discordant movements! The play of her
limbs was all false and artificial. Her bounds were painful athletic
efforts; her poses were angular and distressed the eye. I could bear
it no longer; with an exclamation of disgust that drew every eye
upon me, I rose from my seat in the very middle of the Signorina's
_pas-de-fasination_, and abruptly quitted the house.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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