Diary fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Men -- England -- Fiction; Middle class -- Fiction; Suburban life -- Fiction
One observation struck me as being absolutely powerful—though not to my
way of thinking of course. Mrs. Purdick happened to say “You are
certainly unorthodox, Mr. Huttle.” Mr. Huttle, with a peculiar
expression (I can see it now) said in a slow rich voice: “Mrs. Purdick,
‘orthodox’ is a grandiloquent word implying sticking-in-the-mud. If
Columbus and Stephenson had been orthodox, there would neither have been
the discovery of America nor the steam-engine.” There was quite a
silence. It appeared to me that such teaching was absolutely dangerous,
and yet I felt—in fact we must all have felt—there was no answer to the
argument. A little later on, Mrs. Purdick, who is Franching’s sister and
also acted as hostess, rose from the table, and Mr. Huttle said: “Why,
ladies, do you deprive us of your company so soon? Why not wait while we
have our cigars?”
The effect was electrical. The ladies (including Carrie) were in no way
inclined to be deprived of Mr. Huttle’s fascinating society, and
immediately resumed their seats, amid much laughter and a little chaff.
Mr. Huttle said: “Well, that’s a real good sign; you shall not be
insulted by being called orthodox any longer.” Mrs. Purdick, who seemed
to be a bright and rather sharp woman, said: “Mr. Huttle, we will meet
you half-way—that is, till you get half-way through your cigar. That, at
all events, will be the happy medium.”
I shall never forget the effect the words, “happy medium,” had upon him.
He was brilliant and most daring in his interpretation of the words. He
positively alarmed me. He said something like the following: “Happy
medium, indeed. Do you know ‘happy medium’ are two words which mean
‘miserable mediocrity’? I say, go first class or third; marry a duchess
or her kitchenmaid. The happy medium means respectability, and
respectability means insipidness. Does it not, Mr. Pooter?”
I was so taken aback by being personally appealed to, that I could only
bow apologetically, and say I feared I was not competent to offer an
opinion. Carrie was about to say something; but she was interrupted, for
which I was rather pleased, for she is not clever at argument, and one
has to be extra clever to discuss a subject with a man like Mr. Huttle.
He continued, with an amazing eloquence that made his unwelcome opinions
positively convincing: “The happy medium is nothing more or less than a
vulgar half-measure. A man who loves champagne and, finding a pint too
little, fears to face a whole bottle and has recourse to an imperial
pint, will never build a Brooklyn Bridge or an Eiffel Tower. No, he is
half-hearted, he is a half-measure—respectable—in fact, a happy medium,
and will spend the rest of his days in a suburban villa with a
stucco-column portico, resembling a four-post bedstead.”
We all laughed.
“That sort of thing,” continued Mr. Huttle, “belongs to a soft man, with
a soft beard with a soft head, with a made tie that hooks on.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account